The Fruit Basket

Scarred for life

2011-10-17T21:12:00.001+03:00

Thumper is down for quiet time. Khubz is in full time kindergarten now (a whole separate blog). I go to take the longest, hottest shower of my life. I am pooped but it feels so good.

I finish, get dressed y consider a short nap (what a blissful thought.) I take two steps out of my steamy bathroom y jump back.

Thumper is sitting on the couch. He came out, saw I was in the shower y turned on the tv. Lucky us, it was the rerun channel y the current selection? Cops. Great. Cops.

Time to drop another quarter in his therapy fund. . .

Time to worry?

2011-10-09T19:40:00.001+03:00

Scene: thumper is heading to time out after hurling his body repeatedly at Scully.
Khubz: Thumper!! Be gentle with mama! Be nice to her!! Because if you kill mama first then we'll never get a puppy because mommy is allergic!!!!

bliss

2011-09-05T05:10:00.002+03:00

We have just finished getting the kids in bed.

Khubz had her birthday party today. Fairies. It was awesome.

A beautiful day in the park

hide handmade fairies in the woods

build and decorate your own fairy houses

line up in front of the pinata that khubz decorated herself

frolic on the playground in the sunshine

get your sparkle on with glitter on your eyes

gaze at the tia-lila-made clay fairy on the cupcake

excellent friends

marvelous family

explore the world of a woodland fairy

kind of day.

Total bliss.

I love my children.

I love my family and community and this day and moment forever and ever.

I love I love I love

this feeling of bliss

satisfaction

accomplishment

and love.

I love I love I love

watching a gaggle of cousins and friends race across the park green

the joyous study of possibility in the tall grasses

tromping across the bridge

the stand of mommies and mamas and tias and friends all watching

and watching out for all

these dazzling children

today was love

in glittering

sparkling

glorious

motion

Flossting

2011-08-28T06:26:00.001+03:00

Thumper's word for dental floss. I think it has something to do with the spearmint variety we recently got.

"I need some flossting!"

He loves to dangle it in his mouth with the sides hanging out. "I ama vampire!" And a minty fresh one at that.

Outside today

2011-08-24T17:07:00.001+03:00

We are at the picnic table with watercolors y markers. Painting y storytelling.

I know for sure this is the finest stuff in life.

I should mention

2011-08-22T18:51:00.001+03:00

That I am completely in love with my life.

And not the sexy kind

2011-08-11T01:38:00.001+03:00

It turns out therapy is a drag. . .

My working metaphor

2011-07-21T01:39:00.001+03:00

i'd rather something edgy:
fingernails or cleavage
or blossoms on a fig tree

not this.
i don't want this
running through
all my best stories y lies.

i don't want my working metaphor
to be my body
or invisibility
or skin or fat or size

don't want consumption
don't want eating
don't want to swallow
each emotion

don't want food
expansion
bloating
growth

i do not
want
to feed
on this
metaphor

but i
am a poet
& this is
the meal

applicable

2011-07-21T01:26:00.001+03:00

it doesn't matter
if you say queer
or gay or femme
or dyke

i am not insecure
about who i love
or what that
makes me

my only anxiety
comes from your
silent assumptions

so sure
that all those words
you'd never use
don't apply

old tx seabed

2011-07-14T07:10:00.002+03:00

my children's eyes

are full of fossils

on this ancient ocean floor

their pockets fill with

dust & dirt & rock

and the imaginings

of a vanished sea

nostalgic hijab

2011-07-14T06:57:00.004+03:00

i miss the

tug & tuck

wrap, pull, down & around

secure

no pins or clips but

practice, discipline, training

i miss the privacy

like a click of a closed door

the feeling that my body was

my own

& not

a public offering

Ps

2011-06-16T17:15:00.001+03:00

I wrote the previous post out in a notebook before posting it bc I didn't have computer access.

This morning Khubz is flipping through the notebook (her tinkerbell notebook--how appropriate is that?) and finds my scrawl. "what is that?" she asks.

"it's mommy's." Scully simply replies.

"but what *is it??*"

"it's a poem. Mommy wrote a poem about who she is. "

"then why does it say, 'I really am a duck'?"

Scully bursts out laughing, compliments her reading skills y sends her off to me.

Now we have animal poems on our agenda for this morning.

It does make me love life a bit.

Shut the fuck up

2011-06-16T06:31:00.002+03:00

I really am a dyke.

These posts are not full of girl-on-girl action, of heaving y licking y the occasional fist. Frankly, I wish there was more fruit here at the basket but I am a dyke who also needs to pay bills, pack tomorrow's lunch, argue with my partner y push the laundry off the bed so I can collapse.

And I really am an Arab.

I am pretty useless in my americanized, non-Arabic speaking way. I am not brown enough to be a collectible but my light skin y perfect English make me oh-so-approachable. My ethnic inheritance includes a load of anger, a suspicious name, fearful reverence of the evil-eye and poly cystic ovarian syndrome (the leading cause of infertility among Saudi women).

I never read the gaygirldamascus blog or the lezbireal site. My life is too messy to fulfill all the imaginings of racist boys bored with their own heterosexuality. They will surely continue jerking off to eachother while howling loudly about " not being taken seriously."

I will not compete with idiots y assholes about the glamor potential of my mis/representations.

I am busy carving out my actual existence.

Mommy, I love you more

2011-05-20T22:52:00.001+03:00

Than a grass hopper loves grass!

Gift received From the big girl this afternoon to hold forever in my heart.

Need to know basis

2011-05-13T06:18:00.000+03:00

> I don't need to know who
> And I don't need to know why
> But I would like to know how long
>
> How long was the slice of processed cheese stuck to the outside of our screen door before someone noticed? It looked like it may have wintered there.
>
> Additionally, how long was it there after someone noticed? How long did it stick there, willfully ignored, in the hopes that someone else would defend the dignity of our backdoor?

Need to know basis

2011-05-13T05:18:00.000+03:00

I don't need to know who
And I don't need to know why
But I would like to know how long

How long was the slice of processed cheese stuck to the outside of our screen door before someone noticed? It looked like it may have wintered there.

Additionally, how long was it there after someone noticed? How long did it stick there, willfully ignored, in the hopes that someone else would defend the dignity of our backdoor?

Khubz wins a prize

2011-05-04T23:54:00.001+03:00

For worst trip to the dentist ever.

She is now asleep.

She puked all over their carpeted reception area. Three times. She got puke all over her shirt y shoes. I took her to the bathroom to clean up y she left little vomit footprints the whole way.

This happened right after we walked in the door. Before I could even give them her name. It was totally horrible.

She felt much better after puking y wanted to stay so she cd get her teeth cleaned y get a new tbrush! I told her no. Really, it seemed like the only reasonable answer.

I took her shirt off y wrapped my cardigan around her. Two receptionists were wearing masks y gloves y scrubbing up a lot of puke. It was disgusting.

I want to take a tray of cookies or fruit or something in to them. I feel really bad. I don't know why puke is embarrassing but it is. They were so nice. I tried to clean it but they shooed me away with a "this happens more often than you might think". I will think of that every time I see really ugly carpet at a dentist office. Ah, they're probably just planning ahead.

There is apparently a stomach flu going round the preschool.

Poor girl. When she said this morning that her tummy hurt I thought she was just nervous.

One of these days I will learn to stop projecting!

My name keeps fucking up my whiteness

2011-04-21T14:06:00.007+03:00

Scully & I were chatting about the events of the day and I said "but *I am* white for all intents & purposes. Its just that my name keeps fucking up my whiteness." She insisted that was the title of my next blogpost and here we are.

It seems like too much to explain but the boat now tips towards public school rather than homeschool. So she is enrolled for the fall. I have filled out the piles of paperwork to document her age & existence.

Then I get a phone call from the school district. They want Khubz to come in for a language assessment to see if she speaks english.

Yep. English.

Of course we think first of her race and name. In defense of the school district I did fill out a form that indicates I speak English, Scully speaks English and Spanish and Khubz speaks English with some receptive Spanish. So, in their defense, the word "Spanish" did appear on the language survey.

I get a call from a woman and she starts by saying "oh. you sound like you speak very good english." Thanks, I reply. I would be pretty lost without it as it is the *only* language I speak. She tells me that because I indicated another language exists in our home (beyond what is spoken by Dora the Explorer) we need to come in for an assessment.

It was a little funny. No, really. She's English speaking. I don't want to waste your time. Really.

But she insisted that we have to do an assessment simply because the wheels were in motion. Then it was less funny but still frivolous. So we set up a time to drop by the school so Khubz could speak.

Thumper is hanging out with Grandma. Khubz and I head off to the school. She is awed by the big-ness of the big-kid school. Awed into silence.

I am not kidding. Absolute & total silence.

The assessment starts with some challenging questions.
"what is your name?"
Khubz looks at me.
Can you tell them your name? I prod her. She shrugs. I look at her. Then she replies in her most heavily accented "G**********" ever. Then I ask her which nickname she prefers, Khubz or Khubzita. "KhubzITA" she offers, also in her best accent.

And that was pretty much it.

They'd show her a picture of a foot and ask what is it.
"foot" she'd mutter without moving her lips or looking at them.
"Can you use it in a sentence,honey? Can you say 'this is a foot'?" the woman asked.
"foot." she replied.

At some point (in about the first 3 minutes) she wouldn't even look at the woman. She turned to me, pulled my skirt around her and hid. Every once in a while she would make eye contact with me. The woman would try to engage her and Khubz would look up at me and say (in her best 2 year old voice) "mmmmommmmy!"

They started talking to me about ESL classes. I am not kidding.

Of course I support ESL and she would likely have met some fabulous friends and maybe her spanish would have even improved. (as might her Croatian, Swedish and Urdu--this university attracts a lot of international students due to a low cost of living.) But she speaks English.

I also never envisioned myself having to defend my kid's english. It is super weird to say "she speaks fluent english! put her in her proper place!!" But at the end of the day it is more weird to have my english-speaking child in an ESL class simply because she is shy and brown.

It was a bit unbelievable. "She is reading! Books! And I read her chapter books--not picture books! She is verbose, for fuck's sake!"

It was a good try on our part. Trying to sneak her in with the mainstream kids. But like a dash of coffee in the milk they spotted her right away.

She walked out of the school grinning at me like she was a little uncomfortable and a little giddy to see what I might do to her. As we left the building we spotted the library's bookmobile. "Look, Mom, the bookmobile! Can we please go borrow a book? I'll get one for Thumper too so he doesn't feel left out."

I stared at her. Sure, honey. Go ahead into the bookmobile. I'm going to stay out here and set myself on fire but I'll see you in a few minutes.

The next day the woman came by our house to attempt another assessment. We were in the middle of reading a book (in english.) Khubz introduced everyone (grandma, baby V, Maj and Thumper--all speaking english with a thick iowa accent.) She chatted about nocturnal creatures, whether or not they were primarily carnivorous, what kinds of magic school bus books we've read that explored these ideas. . .

To her credit, this woman seemed apologetic. The administration, she told me, said they had to go with the data they had. They could not take my word for it that my daughter speaks english, I could not fill out another form. So she simply wrote down every word Khubz said in the 10 minute visit. That was apparently enough to make her hand cramp up. She seemed to think this new data would be enough to get Khubz placed correctly.

Some of it was funny--because I know my kid speaks english and *a lot* of english

Some of it was creepy--because I'm sure in a parallel life my daughter "Betty Cathers" would not have garnered such attention

Some of it was sad--seeing Khubz get so small and shrink into the floor when the woman was speaking to her in Spanish especially. It made me want to scoop her up and yell "SO WHAT?! SHE DOESN'T SPEAK ARABIC AND NEITHER DO I BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE HER LESS WHO SHE IS! FUCK OFF ALREADY! AND I **DO** KNOW HOW TO SAY THAT IN ARABIC!". . . .ooooh. we're talking about me again. (uncomfortable grimace.) how did that happen exactly?

Some of it was just Khubz through and through. She is determined and stubborn and willful and enormously powerful when it comes to her own labor. She is self-possessed. And (at the risk of fucking up my whiteness even more) I would like to add a masha'allah.

2011-02-04T11:47:00.002+03:00

Let's please all remember

when you talk about muslims
you are talking also about
those who kneeled in prayer before
tanks
rifles
water cannons
machine guns &
smoke bombs

And when you talk about america
please remember also
where the tanks come from

Bright shining son

2011-02-04T01:23:00.000+03:00

There's tons of bright white snow everywhere. Thumper is squinting his eyes y keeps saying "it's too early!" which I think means bright. Makes me chuckle about how he made that connection. It's too early!!!!

3 guesses

2011-01-26T16:40:00.001+03:00

"mommy. I need you to come here"

"what's up, honey?"

"um. I sneezed a big sneeze and now there is something on my shirt and I don't know what it is but I need you to get it off. Because it's gross. Yeah, mommy, really gross. Please come get it. Yechhh."

Something new

2011-01-08T16:16:00.001+03:00

It is seven am on a Saturday. Khubz has woken up y I heard her in her room convincing thumper to wake up. "it's morning! It's wake up time!! Come on!"

I readied myself for the migration to the mommies bed. But they are still in their room. They are playing together. It sounds like they're playing with cars.

They haven't sought us out at all. They woke up y wanted each other.

Yesterday was all time-outs all the time. This is a nice start to a new day.

impromptu sensory tables

2011-01-07T02:24:00.005+03:00

I have a memory of being three and finding a bowl with a small amount of popcorn left in it. My family had an air popper and to make up for the healthfulness of the snack, we would melt butter (probably margarine, before we knew the menace of trans fats) and pour it over the fat-free, air popped goodness. I may have eaten what was left in the bowl, I don't remember.

I emptied the bowl of leftover husks (probably poured it on the ground.)

It was a big metal mixing bowl, light but sturdy.
I put my bare feet in the bowl and squished and squashed and "skated" in a circle. The bowl was greasy from the leftover butter and streaky from the leftover salt. I spun around and around, climbed in and out again until my salty, buttery footprints were discovered. I'm sure (after they vomited) they put me in time out.

Khubz was getting over a slight fever today. Thumper was hyper because we'd been in the house all day. Somewhere between the bonkers atmosphere and constantly running noses I got irritated with them. Calm down! And go wipe your nose!!

Then I got out a large pan, poured some uncooked white rice, got some scoops and measures and stepped back. They poured and "splashed" and drew and stood in the pan, sprinkled it into each others' hair. . . All the stuff the parenting books talk about. And it calmed them. They focused, they engaged, they settled.

And I got to remember being in my popcorn bowl.

Mix

2011-01-06T08:27:00.001+03:00

When we cook up a fresh batch of playdoh or, gasp, open a newly purchased canister I take 3/4 out and hand it to the kids. They each get their own color. At some point I encourage them to switch. I hover, collecting stray scraps y return them to their proper segregated container.

One day khubz y thumper swapped half for half. The next question still makes me grimace.

"Can we mix them?" khubz inquires.

1. You are a kid playing with playdoh. ••your•• playdoh. You can do anything you want y it shames me that you felt the need to ask.

2. Oh my GOD. The kids are going to mix the playdoh. I can't watch!! (deep breath)

My new years resolution is to mix more. It is just playdoh, for goddess sake. Or glitter. Or paint. Or gravy.

We have a lot of fun here at the fruit basket, especially when I can relax my shoulders. The table must get wiped down anyway. The floor will need to be mopped anyway. There is a shitton of work to keep things moving around here. I should make the mess worth it.

Ps. Additional resolution? Get a freakin tattoo already. I think on my wrist. I think it should say "inshallah" but maybe "mashallah" wd be better? Votes are welcome--as are donations! :)

Thumper 2.0

2011-01-01T10:06:00.003+03:00

In twenty four hours our beloved Thumper will be two years old.

Have I told you what he's up to?

He is a total dancing queen. We listened to "I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee" about 149 times between TX and iowa. Other favorites are ABCD (sung on his OWN, no thank you, mommy), Jungle Book music, Dan Zanes, Eidelwies (sung as sweet lalo) and Elmo's song. He taps his toes but really loves to swing his hips and dash his arms about.

"abyater?" is "maybe later?" he can take a "no" to almost anything as long as he also gets a "maybe later." Of course, then he follows up. "aternap?" Yes, baby. After nap.

He loves a mess. Art is a fine byproduct. Or bread. Or nothing. But the mess. The mess, itself, is the thing. (btw, check this out for some Thumper in action pics.)

He loves bath time and naked time and cuddle time and dinner time. He is possessive about everything (as he frequently has to scrap to keep what is his.) He is unendingly sweet and frequently bonkers.

We are doing a train theme for his birthday party next week.

He has got blue, yellow and red. Other colors are still confusing.

There's lots of stuff that I did, unthinkingly, with Khubz that I need to remember to do with him. Like finger plays, "where is thumbkin?" all that stuff.

He seeks Khubz out for guidance. "how can I get to the cookies on the counter?" and they collaborate. He doesn't want to go to bed without her. I remember seeing the kinship between Noise and Funk, how they looked to eachother as a reference point for home. Thumper and Khubz have that now. It fills me with warmth.

When we were packing up the van in texas Scully and I were dragging suitcases through the living room and out the front door. Thumper grabs Scully's laptop and drags it along (sized like a suitcase to him) saying "I gotit! I got it!" waving away anyone in his path and then hollering, "I'm coming!!"

He pet the horse in Texas and it shook its head at him, razzing its lips and delighting him to no end. When we came upon the grasshopper carcass I offered it to each of the children. Tito (6 yo cousin) declined. Khubz held it and pet it and asked if it was "real" and had been alive. She speculated as to its death. Thumper took it in his palm and closed his hand around it, smiling broadly with the satisfying crunch! He was thrilled.

He is so big and still he fell asleep in grandma's arms today for nap. In the midst of chaos. Children running around, presents on the ground kind of chaos. He cuddled up, nestled in and fell asleep. He is my grand, two year old boy.

I love him. Fiercely.

this, though,

2011-01-01T09:30:00.002+03:00

makes me think twice about the homeschooling utopia in my head. It is a pic of Khubz on her first day back at preschool. She was thrilled. To pick out and put on a special "school" outfit, to pack her backpack, to "show me the way" from the car to the door. She loved every piece of the ritual of school. That's something to think about too.

craft/learn/go/do

2011-01-01T08:30:00.003+03:00

I love having Khubz go to preschool. It is three days a week, two and a half hours in the morning. Perfect. An hour of free time where she directs her own play, explores, cavorts with friends, runs around in a space other than our house, half an hour of snack time, twenty minutes outside on the playground. . . It seems the perfect fit for us.

Scully and I have been talking homeschooling all the way back from texas (the most fabulous trip we have ever had, btw.) She's ready to switch our room with the study so there's more space for craft/learn/do. I am surprised (and thrilled) with how excited she is about the idea of homeschooling. We both feel like we need to do some more research into options, resources etc. We aren't at the point of deciding anything. But it feels like we are approaching this question together. Nice.

In the mean time, all I want to do is make some lovely sandpaper letters, play some number games, and organize a journal to track the things the kids are learning.

Everyday Khubz asks me a million "why"s. "Why when you scoop up some snow in your hand does it melt and disappear?" There are lots of simple answers about heat and physical changes. I was much more excited by her question. "Does it disappear? What do you see in your hand?" "Water!" So we talked about water and snow and ice and steam being cousins. I am not pretending that I can prepare her for an organic chemistry class. I do think I can take in wonders, with Khubz and Thumper, and articulate our senses, notice how cornmeal feels, mix colors, make a salt map, craft/learn/go/do

I am excited about that.

A little stroll in Texas found

2010-12-30T02:42:00.000+03:00

A grasshopper carcass

Raccoon tracks

Horse poop y more horse poop

A black y red beetle (correction from khubz, a stink bug)

Mesquite trees for climbing

Tall grass for hide y seek

A fossil

Mud for rolling around in

Daddy long legs (Texas sized)

A triangle shaped rock

A hidey hole where a creature had burrowed (mongoose? Badger? Ostrich?)

A surprise bush of Rosemary

An abandoned birds nest

Moss y lichens for observing up close

Cactus plants for observing from afar

A horse that shook mud on us after letting us pet her

Glorious amounts of wonder in my children (and myself)

2010-12-20T23:58:00.002+03:00

i am so not into it today.

the kids are eating candy canes at the kitchen table and I just don't feel like being with them. Or anybody. I've been a snarky, shrill, bitchy mom. And (surprise, surprise) the kids have been bonkers and naughty.

Today would have been a great sick day.

scratch paper

2010-12-19T22:18:00.002+03:00

I need to do more writing. The best thing for me is to just write without worry about content, style, whether or not it sucks, whether or not it is actually painful to a reader. So just let it be. And I'll see if this gets me writing.

can fly

2010-12-19T22:09:00.002+03:00

Glitter can fall up
but first it must pour down
sparkle, ripple, shimmer
pour out and across
shining waterfall fall
down down
onto the table.

Now we crouch
just below
lips looking upwards
b l o w

glitter can fly

pro/con

2010-12-17T22:36:00.003+03:00

Things that make homeschooling attractive

I want Khubz and Thumper to have a natural rhythm to their days. If she is reading (and she is) I don't want her to stop just to pull out a different subject when a bell rings.
Meals together. Kids have 20 minutes for lunch in school. 20 minutes. That feels like a child-stuffing factory, not a place where kids refresh, recharge, eat and share.
Appropriate choice. Khubz will be 5 when she starts kindergarten. A five year old should not be making choices about white milk or chocolate milk. Nutrition is my responsibility. Not hers.
Public schools will put my kids in the wider world. Bratz dolls, "faggot" and "bitch", and romantic mythologies about the pilgrims are all things I'd like to avoid.
Learning about the world in context seems practical, interesting and manageable.
Public schools have been put in a position of constant crisis, where the survival of their system is at risk if they cannot produce test scores. I believe a system will always protect itself before pursuing loftier goals like "educating" my children.

Things that make public schools attractive

I believe in public schools, public parks, public libraries, public ventures. I believe in them and their messy compromises. We will never have truly inclusive public ventures if critics and/or those on the margins stop showing up.
My children get to know themselves in a different way when they have some space away from me. I don't like saying that. But I think its true.
Public schools will put my kids in the wider world. They will meet people I don't know (maybe new friends), see many ways of living in the world (different kinds of families, a diversity of abilities/disabilities, economics)
I have no idea how I would actually do it. Especially with Thumper.

I heard a rumor my school district offers an opt-in half day kindergarten. Inshallah. I think that would be my best answer.

And today

2010-12-15T05:18:00.001+03:00

Thumper learned how to open a closed door.

106 years old

2010-12-13T21:51:00.004+03:00

I was listening to iowa public radio and they interviewed this woman who was 106 years old. Her favorite time to remember was in the 1930s. Also known as the great depression. And why? Because "life seemed simpler. My children were young and I didn't have the kind of worries that I have now."

Ok. Point taken.

In honor of embracing the simplicity of small children. Let me present Khubz's gingerbread girl.

5 things

2010-12-05T09:01:00.003+03:00

that I am proud of.

Khubz:

1. She is extremely polite. I know 4 year olds are necessarily "considerate" but I think she generally cares about my feelings. She knows that tone is important. "Please" and "thank you" are regulars with her. She was "snack friend" for preschool and upon picking her up the very first thing she told me was, "Mommy--everybody sure liked the oatmeal cake! Even Vinny!"

2. She is impressed with herself and she enjoys letting people know that she is impressed. Case in point? After visiting the science center where a woman was impressed that Khubz boldly pet a snake, Khubz announced loudly everywhere she went "and I pet a snake and was NOT afraid!"

3. She loves reading. She just loves being in the company of books. We often go in to kiss her goodnight and find that she has snuggled up with a book to fall asleep with. She also mouths the words as you read out loud--even if she doesn't know the book. She will repeat it after you in a whisper. Her teacher suggested she is trying to memorize the book for when she reads it to herself later. I think she's right.

4. She sees destruction as a form of construction. For example, pulling all of the pillows off of the couch=creation of a space ship or tunnel or building.

5. She has finally stopped trying to climb the christmas tree. Thank god.

Thumper:

1. He loves to count. He doesn't associate it with a number of objects but he enjoys the pattern of "one, 'oo, 'ree, 'our, 'ivef, SIXXX, 'even, eight, 'ine"

2. He is working very hard of curbing his biting. We have teething toys all over the house and whenever he seems wound up or tired or at a loss he bites down on the "chewy." It is not easy. He really enjoys the sensation of biting down on soft, pillowy flesh. But the teething toys are helping and he is really trying.

3. He asserts himself. Into Khubz's play, into the mommies' laps, into the mix. He declares loudly "bigkidd!" and dismisses the idea that he is a second class citizen. He is ready for the world--didn't you get the memo?

4. He loves reading. At the end of a quiet night, after bath, Khubz and Thumper and I spread books out in a 180 degree arc around us on the floor. Then we steadily make our way through the "reading party." And Thumper loves to pick the next book, point out key turns in the plot, turn the pages and show me which bunny or dog or snowflake on the page is him.

5. He tells us when he poops. Not always. 90% of the time. That's pretty good. He still dashes away after making his announcement. But I still appreciate the heads up.

Scully:

1. She took three days off for her birthday. Day one was get things done around the house. Day two was take me and the kiddos to the science center and out to lunch for a fantastic family day. And then she and I went out to dinner for some mommy time. It was a perfect day. Day three was alone time for her, dissertation time, down time, quiet time. Everybody had everything they needed without resentment, jealousy over time, frustration or feeling overwhelmed. It is really hard to create balance with precious and rare days off. Scully did this masterfully and we had one of the best weeks of our married lives.

2. My SJP friend is visiting this weekend and Scully has been all over the kids. SJP and I have had loads of grown up alone time. It is really nice.

3. She organizes the kids each weekend to clean the house. And not only do the kids actually get involved but the house actually gets clean.

4. There's been a lot of soul searching and reflection about the last two years since our big move. Introspection = super attractive quality in a mate.

5. She can parallel park that enormous truck of hers into any space imaginable and, strangely, it really works for me.

My own fine self:

1. I have worked very hard the last two years to make some local friends. It is quite intimidating to hand your number to some random woman and "hope" she likes me enough to meet up at a park. It feels a bit like high school in some ways. But I really have met some cool women. We are all still getting to know each other but I am making friends.

2. I am blogging. At least this post right now.

3. Every single day I read to the kids. Every single day we make some sort of art. Every single day we move our bodies at a park or play pals or dancing around to the fabulous tunes of Dan Zanes.

4. I am volunteering at the local domestic violence/sexual assault project. I don't hang out in the volunteer office but go out with crafts, or art or Uno cards or whatever to actually engage with people. When no one is around, I do the dishes or clean. My mantra is "there must be a purpose!" In other words, I am not volunteering to hang out in an office. I must create some sort of change even if that is just clearing away the dirty dishes.

5. I am listening to Democracy Now again. It makes me feel like a thinking person. It makes me think and question and grapple with questions of colonialism, power and voice. And I do believe I need to take more action on these issues but, frankly, I am happy to just be in the company of these questions again. They feel like old friends and I have missed them.

Thumper's big speech

2010-11-10T07:57:00.001+03:00

Thumper is talking constantly. Most of his words require a trained ear. Here is a quick cheat sheet.

"mamabs" is for the city busses. These are the ones that Scully rides to work.

"skuuulbss" is a school bus. Like what we see when we are picking up Cousins from elementary school.

"catchdebs" (said with arms shooting out in a grabbing motion) is catch the bus. What mama says she is going to do as she runs out the door.

"Mukkah" is grandma. "Mupkkah" is grandpa. My folks are in Araby land (long story) y we have grandma's mini van. Every morning Thumper rushes to the window, sees her van y cries out "Mukkah! Mukkaaaaaaaaah!!"

Some phrases he really has down.
If I say, night-night time baby. He responds "noooo! Plaaaay!!"

If I ask, what song would you like? He says "idnknow" while shrugging his shoulders with a sly smile.

There's a lot more but I think this blog is set up best for post cards right now. . .

Okay

2010-11-08T03:47:00.001+03:00

I know it is only 6:30 but the children barely made it this late into the day. Last night they were both up from 1-4 AM. That combined with daylight savings time = dinner at 4:30, bath at 5:15 y all of us struggling to make it as late as 6:30! And when we finally did, I called it good.

Hamdillah y god save us tomorrow morning!

Awesomeness

2010-11-07T02:47:00.001+03:00

So Tia Lila is giving Majpaj a bath. He is talking about survivalist strategies if a sea serpent caught them. "know who I would call? I would call Aunt Scully and she would rescue me! Because, you know what mommy? She knows a lot of things. " I know she does, Tia Lila replies. "No mommy. I mean she knows ALOT of things--she could be a super hero!"

So Tia Lila laughs y agrees y dashes off to call me. And I dash off to post this. :)

You've Earned It

2010-10-25T08:05:00.003+03:00

By the way, anyone still reading this after 2 posts in 2 years has earned a pic.

Rituals 2.0

2010-10-25T07:28:00.002+03:00

I have so many blog posts bouncing around in my head but very little computer "face time." I have lots to say about Juan Williams and what is/NOT censorship. Plenty of thoughts on a local hater who is running for state house with his "get government out of people's lives (except for the queers)" Many Qs about "gender neutral" clothes for kids and why that only seems to mean "boy" clothes for the girl but no skirts and dresses for my boy???

All of these are platitudes and they bore me even writing them out in a mention.

But since this is my scrapbook of sorts I want to remember a few rituals. We have got quite a good rhythm going, the tribe y I.

Tuesday afternoons we wagon over to the bookmobile. Maj, Khubz and Thumper are all loaded in to a wagon. There's a little bucket that acts as a third seat. It is not far to the bookmobile but everyone wants the wagon so they can pour over their new books on the way home. On the short walk out there the kids are usually having afternoon snack--something not messy. We round the corner and the kids all shout out that they saw the bookmobile first.

Walking in is like walking in to a cathedral. The older kids become hushed. Thumper cries out "Elllmo!" like he has just seen jesus. We all climb in and begin the serious business of picking our special book.

The trip home is nearly silent. All three of the kids flip through their books. Cars slow down as they pass us just so they can smile at the train of budding bibliophiles. I am so proud of them. When we get back to our house the kids pile in and sprawl out. Sometimes they go to far corners for some space with their book. Sometimes they clamor around each other and begin peeking at each others' finds.

And we sit and we read for a loooong time.

Tuesdays rock.

what i have to deal with

2010-06-20T05:16:00.007+03:00

There is a nest of robins about 10 feet from our back door.

Today we found, in a post-garage sale giveaway bin, a box full of kid kitchen toys: plastic cutlery, broccoli and cabbages etc.

I went on a 45 minute bike ride (yes I did!) today.

The children did not nap--either of them.

Scully thinks she is quite clever.

Here's how to put all those pieces together.

I wanted to go on a bike ride. The kids, having not napped, were bonkers. They needed to be outside. Scully can walk around but can't chase them for long periods of time. So the plan was that the kids would go outside in the back with Scully and do some sort of project to help centralize them.

We took all those kitchen toys and filled two washbins with soapy water. They got scrub brushes, towels and did the dishes in the yard. While I was on my (awesome) 45 minute bike ride they also dumped those washbins and made their own mudpile. Which they happily wallowed in until Scully brought them in for their bath.

Fast forward. The kids are now in bed and I ask Scully if the toys ever got picked up. No. Okay, so I'm heading out back to pick them up. Scully says, "look, one of the baby robins is sitting on the yellow washbin."

"Sorry baby robin," I reply, "I'm gonna make you move." I open the door, startle the baby bird who flies off (badly) and perches at Scully's vegetable garden. This must just be day 2 or 3 of flying school because the bird lost its balance on the chicken wire and fell into the garden. The chicken wire goes up about three feet and there was no way that bird was going to scale it.

Send the femme to rescue the bird!

So, armed with a kitchen towel, I go to pick up the bird and restore it to freedom.

CHHHHHHHIIIIRRRP!!!!!!

Baby bird calls for help. "Uh oh. Here comes mama" Scully chimes in laughing as a puffed up mama bird dive bombs my head.

"What?! Hey!" I throw the towel around. More angry grown birds appear. They are now lining the electrical wire above my house. They are swooping and trilling. I distinctly heard one say something like, "Don't you worry Horace! That bitch may get you but at least we'll peck her eyes out!!"

"Scully! You SUCK as a bat man!"

The bird is running away from my towel, still shrieking. We now have 147 adult robins swarming around our garden. I finally get a butterfly net and scoop up the reckless teenage robin.

Scully cannot stop laughing. She is crying, she's laughing so hard.

The baby bird spits at me, remarks that he and his friends will be watching for my car and flaps (badly!) away.

The mamas and mommies and papas and daddies and aunties and ex-lovers of the aunties and all the other bird relations ruffle their feathers, impressed with their own show of strength, and fly away.

"Unbelievable! What I have to deal with. . . " I complain to Scully. "You know when they tell that story they're going to make me out to be the asshole!"

"How many of them were there? Four?"

I give Scully my best glare. "There were at least eight or twelve!"

"Additionally," I tell her while smacking her ass to get back in the house, "I also had to deal with an asshole on the porch!"

"You so need to blog this."

"At last we agree."

Some day my revolution will come

2010-06-14T06:46:00.004+03:00

We went to my niece's dance recital. She has been taking Irish dancing lessons all year and she got to put on a white dress with a pink ribbon, a curly-haired wig and some fantastic shoes. She got on the stage and hopped and kicked and danced her buns off.

Awesome. It was amazing.

Khubz was so excited about going to the recital. She put on her tights and leotard and a big fluffy skirt. She sat in her chair in the audience and waved her hands with each hand wave on the stage, rolled her head around, hopped up and down in her chair. At the end of the first song she told me "Mommy--I have to get on the stage so everyone can see my pretty skirt!"

It was all I could do to keep her in the seat.

"Look they're dressed like snow white!"
"Look they're bea-u-tiful!"
"Ooooh! Mom! Pooofy dresses!"

The whole time I am looking at her. She cannot take her eyes off these kids that are prancing on stage. Ballerinas come out--even boy ballerinas in skin tight body stockings. Then a stage full of four year olds in "belle" costumes from beauty and the beast.

Oh, we have *got* to get her in dance class. She is enthralled. She is entranced.
The stage fills up again with little snow white dancers. They begin twirling and prancing. And the music starts.

Some day my prince will come
Some day we'll meet again
And away to his castle we'll go
To be happy forever I know
Some day when spring is here
We'll find our love anew
And the birds will sing
And wedding bells will ring
Some day when my dreams come true

Ummmm. . . .
Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Okay, let's sign her up for gymnastics.

Language Explosion

2010-05-31T05:48:00.003+03:00

Khubz has a new name at our house. "Chachalaca" or Mexican prairie chicken. She is always talking. This is great in the abstract. She has so many questions about the world, so focused and interested in communicating, so articulate in describing the billions of neurons firing in her head. . . As I said, the abstract = great.

One day, though, I just couldn't take any more of it. "Why do we have to wear shoes on our feet?What if we had six toes instead of five? Do puppies have toes? Jake y Annie have a puppy They live in Lawrence. We used to live in Lawrence. Can we go to Lawrence? Why it is so far far far away?" And I am still back at "because there are prickly weeds in the grass. So put your shoes on."

So we were piling into the car and I turned off the radio and said, "Mommy just needs five minutes of quiet. Just five minutes. Mommy has a headache so we have to shhhhh and be quiet for five minutes."

Seconds roll by: one, two, three, four, five

"Mommy?"

(sigh)

"Why do crackers have edges?"

I burst! "BECAUSE IF THEY DIDN'T THE WHOLE WORLD WOULD JUST BE ONE GREAT BIG ENORMOUS CRACKER!!! WHICH IS HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW!!"

Not to be outdone, Thumper is hot on her tail with his own language explosion. He is saying pretty clearly: Agua, bye-bye, mama, [b]anana, leche, pan, apple, a fuera, elmo, book, gotcha, mas, gma, no!!, chango, taza, up, thank you, bath and pie (as in foot, not apple or cherry) and then just yesterday he said his first "pease" for please! That is a word mommy is excited about.

Today was not my best day ever but we are really doing pretty well.

Girl Knows

2010-04-09T04:53:00.002+03:00

When we pick Scully up on campus we have a little ritual. Scully comes out of the building and I get Khubz out of the car. I plop her on the sidewalk and she runs at full galloping speed towards Scully who, naturally, picks her up and spins her around. Thumper watches it all while still hermetically sealed in his carseat and dreams of the future.

We do this about once a week.

Last week we went to pick Scully up. She had just come out of the building along with a crush of people. Khubz hits the pavement and gears up her run. About three feet from Scully is another woman. This woman is white. With long brown hair. Tall. Wearing bright red glasses.

And Khubz ran right for her calling out "Mama!"

Why?

Because this woman is a dyke. Not only did she look like a dyke but Scully knows her and she is, in fact, a dyke.

And Khubz surveyed the crowd, saw a dyke and ran towards her.

Three year old with gaydar=priceless.

PeekaPeekaPeeka

2010-03-19T06:54:00.000+03:00

Boo!

Rude Awakening

2010-03-19T04:50:00.003+03:00

Well, we are all healthy & ready for spring--thank god for wellness and for the coming of spring!

Scully is in Texas with family. Her dad is scheduled for heart surgery tomorrow. She flew down to Dallas this morning. On her way in to town she was rear-ended in the rental car. Police report--the whole works. Hamdillah, no one was hurt, the damage was minor, the car was still driveable & the other driver was clearly at fault. Additionally, if something needs to go wrong on this trip--this was a gift!

Thumper is back to being a fully-powered baby. He is in to everything like he's making up for lost time when he was sick. We had an incredible day today. Thumper & Khubz & I woke up and saw the sun and said, "YES! We WILL!" Okay, so it was actually too cold this morning to go on a long wagon ride to the park. but we said "Yes! We Will!" And when Khubz went down the slide into a puddle of cold, yucky water we not have stayed and continued to play. But we said, "Yes! We Will!" And when the children's cold, pink noses indicated that we need to take the shortest route home (which means cutting through the mall) we said, "yes! We Will!" And when Khubz pointed out that there is an indoor play area at the mall and could we go please? please? please? "Yes! We Will!"

So after all that we finally wagoned home. Quick change of clothes and we headed over to Grandma's for lunch. Thumper fell asleep immediately--he was bushed! Khubz and Maj ate and headed down for nap or "nap" depending on how we look at it.

I ran a quick errand and when I returned 30 minutes later Thumper was awake. That was it. He is no longer a baby that can be coerced back to sleep. He is a kid. A "one-shot-at-a-nap" kid. So he and I took a long walk while Khubz was sleeping.

Then Maj & Thumper & Khubz and I all headed back to our place and dug for worms in the mud and ate dinner outside on the step and played ball and played chase and played chased the ball and basically frolicked in the sun until Tia Lila picked him up.

It was such a great day.

Khubz had taken a long nap and was having problems getting to sleep. I let her curl up on my lap and we talked about what had been fun in the day and how our dear friends had gotten a puppy and how we were going to get to meet that puppy. And I said, "I had such a nice time with you today." And I scrunched my nose up against hers and gave her a kiss. The whole time I'm thinking, how did I get so lucky as to be with you every day?

She looks at me and gets sad and says, "but mom, I'm not a nice kid. I'm a rude kid."

"Who says?"

"My giant."

"Well, my giant says you're a nice kid."

"No I'm not. I'm not nice. I'm a rude kid."

"Let me check. Let's check your label." I lift up her jammie shirt and peer into her belly button. "Ops. Sorry, kiddo. It says you are nice. You are a nice kid."

And we talked a minute about what kind of dream to have and I sent her back to bed.

So an hour later as she has gotten out of bed 6 times and even tried to wake up her brother (thank jesus he is completely exhausted!) I have to remind myself of this conversation I had with her. She is getting that from somewhere and that somewhere is me.

"Only nice kids get to come on the adventure!" "You are being *rude*" "Quit! That is rude!" "Rude kids do not get to eat dinner with the family. You can be polite or you are excused."

I totally go ape-shit on her when I shouldn't. And other times I feel like I let her walk all over me in very unhelpful ways.

I don't think we have a super-nanny situation on our hands, but I do wish I had an unbiased assessment of my discipline and what I could do better.

Khubz hits me when she's angry. She kicks. Yesterday she bit me. And I've tried throwing away toys to make her think about it before she hits (this only worked for 2 days and yes, I know, kids don't get punitive punishment.) Time outs done to the super-nanny T do absolutely nothing for Khubz. Lately I've been scoping her up (as she hits me) putting her gently down on the mommy's bed and telling her she's not in time out, but it is clear she needs to think about how to be gentle. When she has gentle hands she is welcome to rejoin us. I can't tell if that is helpful at all.

So when she bit me I totally lost it on her because it took all the will in my body to not bite her back.

But I didn't. I yelled at her that she does not get to bite me. And I got right in her face (like a dog) and snarled that she was not a dog and she does not bite.

It was pretty hideous. And all her hollering and screaming then woke Thumper up which made me feel furious.

Oh, it was really hideous. In fact, I am ashamed of myself as I write this for how I acted and also ashamed that we had this enormous battle.

And all 3 year olds do battle, right? Of some sort. And all mommies lose it. And I totally did.
It makes me feel really sad that the take away for her is that she is not a nice kid.

Because she totally is. And she is also extremely cunning, ingenious, crafty, sweet, snuggly, naughty, determined, daring, stubborn, creative and surprising.

So, back to the parenting books.

She is a nice kid. A nice three year old kid. And she needs to know that I know that.

The Thumper Report

2010-03-16T10:28:00.003+03:00

(written a few days ago)
He is still sick. Not puking all over sick. (Hamdillah!) But periodic fever, please don't put me down, can't you see I'm suffering here!! kind of sick.

Good for him, he is also adorable and knows it.

He says "book" if you listen carefully to "bbbK!" He's crazy about waving and saying "buh-bye." He loves to do his part setting the table. Khubz puts the napkins on and he reaches up grabs them off and then shoves them at you.

I read the kids "the going to bed book" and Thumper's favorite, "Pajama Time". They both end with a sleepy scene. I lowered my head to my shoulder, closed my eyes and began to snore. Thumper did not miss a beat. He rested his head against mine and started immitating my snore by loudly blowing out his mouth. I cracked up.

He runs all over everywhere, mostly chasing his sister. He also likes to bring treasures.

Our friend Juan visited us and Thumper took one look at him and toddled out of the room. He returned and presented Juan with a gift: the cow says MOO book. And then he walked away. He came back presenting Juan with various other treasures only to take them back, slobber on them and return them.

2010-03-12T04:55:00.002+03:00

There are these days where I feel like I am brimming over with this amazing life. I really, really love my children. We had a blast today even though we spent 2 hours in a doctor's office and the rest of the day locked in our own house. We made cut out paper flowers, played hide & seek (we truly have just two rooms to hide in--the living room & the kiddo room), doubled up on the bath, ran around the house joyously & totally naked screaming "two naked bottoms!!!"

Finally (sometimes even early) the kids are asleep.

And then its like I just feel like there is absolutely nothing more for me to give. And then I look at the kitchen or whatever I feel like I need to do next and just can't make myself care. And I am fixing some yogurt for my sick partner and I drop the whole pint which splatters all over the floor and I JUST CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE I DROPPED THE GODDAMN MTHRFUCKING YOGURT ALL OVER THE FUCKING KITCHEN FLOOR WHICH IS DISGUSTING ENOUGH ALL READY! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

(deep breath)

Okay. Just clean it up. And get a grip.

Sometimes the thread feels a bit tenuous.

So yes, there's more to be said about this (a la womanhood) but not tonight.

Sisyphus Yo

2010-03-10T23:31:00.004+03:00

Yesterday I woke up with a mission.

I picked the living room up and had the rugs vacuumed & the floor swept before 8:30 in the morning. Recreational wardrobe change # 1 for Khubz at 8:45. Muffins baked at 9 am. Dishes unloaded from dishwasher & dirty dishes (including those produced by the muffins) loaded by 9:15. Start boiling some chickpeas for dinner. Threw some laundry in the washer. Constructed a giant cardboard train out of three large boxes at 9:45. Created "Warning: Tiger Car!" and "Attention:Flamingo Car!" signs with two preschoolers to hang on the train cars at 10.

Threw some laundry in the dryer and more in the wash. Chatted with my Mom who was cradling my sleeping, sweaty & slightly fevered Thumper. Read 137 library books with the preschoolers at 10:30. Resolved a low-level, preschooler violence situation with a high-intensity, crazy-making-mommy time-out situation at 10:45. Recreational wardrobe change # 2 for Khubz at 10:55. Changed the laundry over and started another load. Got two loads put away.

11:13 Reapplied the time-out technique for a subsequent low-level preschooler violence situation. 11:15 Read two books to the injured party while the aggressor threw a phenomenal fit in the mommies' room. 11:30 Rallied the preschoolers to assist in the kiddo room clean up. Changed the laundry over and started another load. 11:48 started on dinner: cheese quesadillas, black beans, guacamole and blueberries(not all together). 12:20 got preschoolers in diapers for nap, said goodbye to Maj & grandma and began the naptime battle with Khubz.

12:30-2 After an hour of solid screaming, fighting, door slamming, hitting and sobbing Khubz passes out asleep. Thumper who is still sleepy nuzzles into the crook of my neck, coos at me and vomits. For real. All over me. Quick bath for thumper, wipe down for mommy, start a vomit-filled load of laundry.

2-3 Stories and song for Thumper. Clean up the living room again. Toddler play & frivolities in the kiddo room. Clean up the kitchen. Cuddles & stories with Thumper and a newly awake Khubz. Assist Khubz with recreational wardrobe change # 3. Put some laundry away. (where does all this laundry come from I wonder?)

3-4 One half hour of television for Khubz. Arthur--who I love. Get Thumper down for a second nap. Get snack set up for Khubz. Clean up the library books strewn around the living room. Get rice started for dinner. Unstop the toilet and explain to maximum toilet-paper usage to Khubz.

4-5 Cook with a 3 year old: flat bread and hummus and a tomato/basil salsa. Run interference with a 3 year old who is "doing the dishes" with actual water, dishes, soap and brush. Assist with a necessary Khubz wardrobe change. Rescue the newly awakened Thumper, post-nap snuggle time. Clean up the kitchen.

5-6 Welcome home Mama. Take a quick shower because I can't stand the lingering odor of vomit. Get dinner set up. Tag-team with Mama to get the kitchen cleaned up after dinner. Wave goodbye to Mama & Khubz as they head off to the library.

6-7 Sit down to watch some TV with Thumper because I am just tired. Rock Thumper in a chair with a sippie cup of leche. Get vomited on again. Get Thumper into a quick bath and into jammies. Take a super-duper quick shower while a screaming Thumper cries and cries. Get our clothes and towels and a bath mat into the laundry. Sit back down with Thumper and give him some water. Sing some songs to calm us both down. Get vomitted on again. Get Thumper to the bathroom. Hold him as he cries and we both get in the shower. Quick soapy scrub to get the vomit off. Into the next set of jammies and next set of clothes for the mommy. Laundry into the dryer and next round of vomit-filled clothes into the wash. Use a washcloth to clean Thumper's teeth but allow him to ingest nothing.

7-8 Welcome home Khubz and Mama from the library. Pass Thumper to Scully because I just cannot get puked on again. Battle with Khubz over bedtime (Bedtime is not usually a battle. I guess it was just my lucky day.) Pick up my book and go read in the Mommies' room while Scully gets Thumper to sleep. Throw the last load of the day into the dryer.

Who even remembers what happened next?
Then this morning Khubz woke us up to report that Thumper was awake and, in fact, it was wake up time. I go to get him out of the crib and holler "Mama! Red alert!" In the night he has puked all over his crib and slept in it. Mama takes the boy into the shower and I start a new load of vomit-filled laundry.

Hamdillah, he seems to be doing better. The doctor said it was likely rotovirus. We are keeping him hydrated and low-key. Khubz is also having a better day as we have been time-out free so far.

It's not that anything is bad or even that I am feeling crispy, because I'm not. It's just that the kitchen is disaster again, the living room looks like wild horses bed down there at night and I just needed some sort of documentation of the stuff that I do.

Because if I don't write it out, there's no evidence that it has ever happened. Can I also point out that I did not even both to include diaper changes, assistance with toileting or handwashing, retrieving my phone from a toddler's clutches or reminders to not bounce on the couch?

I certainly don't need or want a Mommy TESS or stay-at-home time sheet. But there's not a lot of accomplishment with the stay-at-home gig. Plenty of satisfaction, gratification, battles and snuggles, sure.

But, for real, I did vacuum. I really did.

All Grown Up

2010-03-08T04:23:00.003+03:00

Khubz was packing for her very first big-kid overnight. We had packed Thumper's bag to go stay with Tia Teefa. Tia Lila was the lucky lady who was getting Khubz. And Khubz was excited.

We had her toothbrush & toothpaste and Scully asked Khubz to go in the kitchen for a plastic zippie to put them in. She dashed off. We were all in the kiddo room waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

"Khubz?" Scully calls. No answer. This raises my alarm and I go into the kitchen to check on her.

She is bent over the floor wiping something up. "What happened?" I ask.

"I spilled." Very matter-of-fact. I see that she has taken a kitchen chair and pushed it over to the counter so she could climb on the counter and get paper towels down by herself. "Wow, honey. I see you've gotten paper towels down so you can clean up the mess. I'm proud of you for being so responsible." Even as the praise comes out of my mouth I am surveying the area. What was it that spilled? Cup of milk? One of Thumper's bottles? Mommy's water bottle? My eyes, they see nothing.

"Um, what spilled sweetie?"

"My pee."

Oh. Okay. Carry on.

Learning Curve

2010-03-06T23:31:00.002+03:00

The kiddos are sharing a room now. We switched to take the smaller room and the kids have the larger room. This is awesome because having a kid in the room (even one asleep in the crib) can put a damper on mommy-time. And I love playing with them in their room. It's not huge, obviously, but there is play space. And I don't get all "uptight/anal-retentive mommy" when there's a mess or if all the costumes are out of the costume box or whatever. Whew!

But bedtime is still a bit of a trick. Khubz is usually great at bedtime. We brush teeth, get on jammies, read a story (or two or three), pick a soft toy to sleep with and get our song. If she's having a hard time going to sleep we pick out a dream to have together. Her favorites right now is going to Mama & Mommy's wedding (she has seen pics of the mommies dressed like princesses--though mama is always Jasmine because she wears pants) where she gets to wear a fancy dress. She also likes to dream about being a flamingo and we bury our long pink head into our long pink feathers and tuck our long pink legs up so we can be warm in our nests. And we agree that we'll meet in our dream and do whatever pink flamingos do at lesbian weddings or whatever.

Thumper, on the other hand, would much rather sleep with the mommies. He will wake up and be sure that someone somewhere can hear his cries and if not, he will cry louder to ensure that someone somewhere will hear him and respond appropriately. In his perfect world this would mean being picked up by one of the mommies, brought to the living room and rocked until he falls asleep again. But the mommies have determined that this is unsustainable.

So our theory is that he will wake up, cry, get tired and eventually figure out how to get back to sleep. This is one of many things in life that someone else simply cannot do for you. He is obviously independent enough to climb up on the couch and blast off it like a rocket. He is independent enough to pull on the tablecloth until he has the salt shaker that he covets. He is independent enough to open up the diaper bag, take everything out until he finds the container of yogurt drops, pry it open and then stuff his cheeks like a hamster. He can figure this sleeping-business out.

He has an advocate, however, in his room that knows how to do things he cannot do. Get out of bed, open a closed door, petition one of the mommies directly even in the middle of the night. It goes like this.

Khubz goes to sleep around 7:30. Thumper about 10 minutes later. They sleep peacefully until 11 or 1 or 2 or 3:15. Thumper wakes up and begins his protest. Because he is in a cage he can only wail and hope that his advocate responds to his alarm.

Khubz, his advocate, wakes up and relays his distress to one of the mommies. She gets out of bed. Seeks us out in our room. Refuses to let us sleep through her message. "Thumper is awake. He needs someone to help him."

And this was cute. At first.

"Thumper needs to learn how to get to sleep. You can help him by getting back in bed, rolling over and showing him how to sleep. He needs to watch you sleep so he can learn."

This worked the first week.
No more.

"He's NOT LEARNING!!!!" she now protests, bleary-eyed herself. I think she is distressed by his crying but also a bit desperate to get to sleep herself. Sometimes we will hear her singing ABCD to him to try to soothe him. We have gone in the next morning and found his crib stuffed with soft toys (stuffed animals) that she provided to give him comfort. But most often we just let her get in bed with us so she can get some sleep. Awake, me or Scully will sit up just listening to him cry and agreeing that he is not learning.

It doesn't help that about once a week one of us will crack and just go get him for some rocking chair assistance.

At some point, we will have a kiddo room and a mommy room.
He will eventually learn. And at some point, so will we.

2010-03-05T22:45:00.003+03:00

Hello again,

Thumper is walking. He says Mama and [B] "anana", signs for leche (which I just stopped personally supplying yesterday), answers with a hug for "abrazo" and a kiss for "beso." His favorite books are Sandra Boynton and any book that gets in a "Moo" or a "Quack" sound.

Khubz is all about reading books and being contrary. She wants to do everything herself from putting the toothpaste on her toothbrush, to getting her own water, to doing the dishes, to battering eggplant for her own eggplant parmasean.

Scully is busy as hell with work and mommy-ing and dissertation-ing.

And yet the mommies are going to get their very first recreational kid-free overnight since Khubz was born. I cannot wait.

We are good. We really are.

snowy moments

2009-12-09T20:14:00.002+03:00

Sometimes it really is idyllic.

The entire state of Iowa is sitting under 4 feet of snow. They closed the interstate. Even more amazing they closed the university! So Scully is home with us on a Wednesday--like a little present in the middle of the week.

We all had oatmeal this morning to warm up our bellies.

We painted salt-dough ornaments. Thumper kept trying to eat his so we just gave him a teething biscuit instead. All four of us around the table with paint and glitter and smeary, mushy teething biscuit.

And then we played. There were a few crashes (mostly Khubz and Thumper.) Thumper fell asleep for his morning nap. Scully and Khubz built a nest/fort/tent and then played connect four. In their version you just try and get your chips to the top. Now Scully and Khubz are coloring at the table.

And the snow keeps coming down and in this moment I hope it never stops.

Dildos & Firefighters

2009-11-28T00:24:00.001+03:00

P.S. The dildos and firefighters story is totally, unbelievably hillarious.

Alas, it is not mine to tell.

It does make me smile, though, and last night I really needed that smile.

:* (kisses)
j

fast moving pendulum

2009-11-27T20:42:00.004+03:00

We are all okay.

But last night we had some firefighters over.

But we are all okay. And really, if you have to have a story about calling firefighters to your house at 11 pm on Thanksgiving night--this is the story to have!

Hamdillah.

So last night I was at the computer and everyone else was asleep. And I smell this foul, plastic burning smell. So I look around and can't find anything. But the smell gets worse and then a foggy, kind of smoky haze fills the living room, kitchen and study.

I look harder.

Nothing.

I wake Scully up. We both smell and see it. We cannot find anything. Basement is clear. Christmas tree lights are off. All the nightlights get unplugged. Everything looks clear. And the burning stench endures. The haze is getting worse.

Forget it.

Get the kids. Get out.

911.

Firetruck.

Siren.

Police car.

Sobbing Khubz in her jammies in the truck.

Wake up the neighbors.

Firemen come in. Boots. Hats. One guy had an axe. I am not kidding.

And they smell nothing. And see nothing.

I come back in the house with them. You don't smell that? It stinks but it is not as heavy.

"Smells like burned food." one says. Thanks but I haven't been cooking.

"Smells like potpourri to me." another says. We don't even have candles. We have kids.

"I smell it." Thank you. "It smells like there's a burned transformer outside. I think that smell must have come in."

I opened the door when I smelled it to see if the smell was coming from outside. It wasn't. But they couldn't find anything. The smoke alarms hadn't gone off. They found nothing.

They were very nice. I couldn't believe I called the fire department out for nothing. But that's what they found. Nothing. Nothing hot. Nothing smoky. Nothing.
"I am not crazy!" I tell Scully as we bring our children back in our house.

She thought it had smelled like an electrical fire.

Thumper, bless him, is asleep. He was asleep in his crib when I first smelled it. Fell back asleep in the truck after being evacuated. Slept through the lights and sirens. Fell back asleep once back in the house. And blissfully slept in his crib until six this morning.

Khubz was upset. She clung to Scully, crying in her arms because she was scared. They cuddled on the couch for an hour after the all-clear.

And then Scully and I sat on the couch. Clinging to each other with all of the "what-ifs" racing around us. And then what we need to do differently.

For example, no more sleeping naked. Or at least, I need to have some clothes handy. :(
We need to know where our keys are and make sure they are put in the same spot, easy to dash out of the house with.
Scully needs to save her dissertation work online as well as on flashdrives and our computer.
You know how this list goes.

And then we walked around the house catching faint glimpses of the previous smell.

And then. . .wait. . . the dishwasher. . .

Oh My F*ng G.

Unbelievable.

Since then I have been on a fast moving pendulum that swings back and forth between vomiting with fear that there could have been a fire in my house where my babies and my partner live--and vomiting from embarrassment for calling the fire department to my house because a goddamn tupperware lid melted against the heating element in the dishwasher. Not even a tupperware! Fucking GLADWARE!

Unbefuckinglivable.

At least the dildos weren't out.

much, much better

2009-11-12T05:54:00.003+03:00

A number of things helped today.

Preschool.

A long afternoon nap for everyone (especially mommy!)

and especially,

Tia Teefa taking Khubz ice skating!!! There will be skating pictures uploaded at some point but everyone can just picture Khubz and her Tia as Khubz periodically calls out, "Mommy, I'm doing GREAT!" It was awesome! Totally & completely awesome!!!

And it was right after preschool. So in the car after ice skating I fed her a PB sandwich and she crashed out in the car. I carried her in to the house and put her in bed. 15 minutes later Thumper was also asleep and I got him in his crib.

5 minutes later Khubz woke up.

So I ask if she wants me to sing to her and I get in bed with her and I WAKE UP 2 1/2 HOURS LATER. BOTH OF MY CHILDREN ARE STILL ASLEEP.

It is as if God was, in fact, rewarding me for making it through yesterday.

But it was now 4 pm and I was in danger of sabatoging bedtime. So I woke up both of my children--this sort of goes against the grain but it was the right thing to do. And we had a really nice day. Late bedtime, but all okay.

Scully is traveling for work and won't get home till about 10 tonight but when she comes in she'll find a well-rested, not crazy Mommy in a messy but happily-played-in home. Want proof?

zits

2009-11-11T04:17:00.002+03:00

So it goes like this.

Thumper has a double ear infection. We cannot hold this against him. I have no hard feelings that we were up from 3-5 a.m. last night. Ear aches hurt. He is a baby. These are facts, like gravity.

Khubz plows through a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast. Scully is off to catch the bus. Khubz gets in to bed and begins to harass me to, um, mother or something. So I get up. Thumper is asleep in his crib. Khubz is needing some attention.

We sit and read. We plow through all the books in the library bag and we check out 157 books at a time. But it is destined to be a hard day and not because I am doing a bad job. It is destined to be a hard day because my staff or my customers or my board of directors or whatever labor model (MT, perhaps?) you'd like to use. . . because my children today were dictatorial & unyielding ( a phrase some of you may have heard before.)

And really, this bitch session is directed at Khubz. She was maddening and we are all lucky to have made it through the day without going to jail. A few snapshots of the day.

Thumper is asleep. She has my lap all to herself. We are reading & reading. Out of the blue she gets this look in her eye. This is the look she gets when she decides, "hey, I think I'm going to act like a shithead!" (And listen, o ye loyal subjects of Khubz. I know she is your beloved. I know you are her defenders. I love her too. But really, today? You would have voted for impeachment too. Trust me.)

"What's that, mommy?" She stabs at my chin with her finger. Her finger fresh out of her mouth, thank you very much.

"What? My zit? Mommy has a zit." A great big puss-filled painful zit, actually. Get your finger away.

She scrunches up her face in disgust. "Yeah. Yuck! A zit! And hair. . . Ewww."

Are we reading a story here? Stop touching my face. We are reading a story, right? No? Okay, then you can get off my lap. Okay then--let's just keep reading. No! Stop touching my zit. No. I don't want to talk about it. Or the hair. (sigh.)

Or later when Thumper is up and nursing and nursing and nursing. And crying. And nursing. And Khubz wants to paint. I suggest shaving cream because I am brilliant. After playing at the kitchen table for a few minutes Khubz wants to move the frivolities to the bathtub. "That is a great idea, Khubz. She is in the tub. Thumper and I are having fun watching her paint her body with shaving cream. She is playing peekabo with Thumper. We have gotten this day turned around!

So Khubz looks at me and gets one of her bathtoys (a small bucket) and drinks the water. This is against the rules. "Oh. I see that you're all done." I tell her and drain the tub. She gives me a smile. That smile. And she drinks the water again. I get the towel and invite her to come out of the tub. She scurries to the far end of the tub. I put Thumper in his crib (he doesn't need to see this) and proceed to pull her wet, slippery, kicking body out of the tub. She stinks so badly of aftershave musk from the shaving cream that I almost gag. Screaming, kicking, grabbing on to the door jam and musky.

A-mazing. So I drop her in her room.

"You are welcome to throw your fit in here. Let me know when you are ready to be polite." I turn to leave the room. She screams like a tribe of banshees, "NO MOMMY! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" and charges at me. I am not making this shit up. What do I do? I looked in the damn parents-as-teachers book. It said nothing about a transmogrified three year old. And I was startled. So I tossed the towel at her (I didn't throw it, I promise) and it landed on her head. This stopped her in her tracks and I was able to escape. Temporarily.

Now I've been watching some supernanny and I know this is not how time out is supposed to go. But at that point we needed to be separated and it was either the towel or call the police for back up.

Its just that, for real, I tried a lot of things that would have worked great on another day and it just all went to shit today. TV backfired on me today. How does that happen? When we watch a show it is usually a 30 minute show. When it is over I ask her if she wants to turn it off or if she wants me to turn it off. She wants to and turns the tv off. I was making lunch and looked at the clock and saw that the show would be ending soon. So I asked her which of us should turn it off. "Its not over yet!" she protests. Ok. PBS often has a little talking bumper to a show or something. So I wait another minute. Then I go in there and ask again. And I see that, actually, the clock in the kitchen is slow. An entirely new show has started. And "It's NOT OVER YET!!!!" So even TV turned in to a knock-down, drag out fight.

Everything was like that.

No-nap-time is basically "how many diapers can I fill with shit in quick succession?"

Play time was basically "how many things can I take away from my brother?"

In the morning I talked to my mom and she said "why don't you let me come pick Khubz up and you can have some one-on-one with Thumper and I'll get her out of your hair." I scoffed. "This is not an SOS," I told her. "We'll all come over this afternoon but I have a brand new can of shaving cream and we are going to turn this day around!" Fast forward a few hours. I called her back, "okay. At this point it is, in fact, an SOS."

I called Scully about 4:30. "Do you want us to pick you up on campus?" Put that through the Mommy scrambler and what I really meant was, "I cannot spend one more minute alone with these children."

We got home and Scully walked in first. "Whew! What's that smell?" "What do you mean? It's roast in the slowcooker." And I walked in. Ah. It is burned roast in the slow cooker. Burned with little burned sun dried tomatoes all burned together in one fucking burned masterpiece. Okay. Pizza it is.

We get home from pizza and I check out to write all this out. Halfway through the mommy-is-bitching guilt catches up to me and I decide I want to do bedtime for Khubz. I asked Khubz to pick her toothbrush. She ignored me. "I'm going to count to three and then it will be my turn to pick." Wailing on the floor of the bathroom when I picked green because she " wants purple!!!" Alas, that is not how we get purple toothbrush. Thirty minutes later we brush her teeth. Yes we used the green toothbrush and, yes, CPS did not swoop in to rescue her from our abusive clutches.

I finish up her bedtime song "you are my sunshine. . . and I am sunburned" and as I am singing to her she gently lifts her hand up to my face to grab at my zit.

I think she was too tired today. I also think she had too much time awake in her room this morning before I got up. She seemed bored/tired/attention seeking. She was looking for trouble all day long and trouble was everywhere. I have elaborate plans to make sure today never ever happens again. My mom says I am incorrect to assume there is a planning solution to what is basically a 3-year-old problem. "She had a bad day. She is 3."

I have decided that I need to get up earlier with Khubz so she is more tired at naptime. PBS does yoga at 6 a.m. I'm going to see if Khubz and I can make a date for some a.m. exercise. It is much more likely that it will be another hard night and I will sleep as long as I possibly can tomorrow morning.

But even if that is the case I will be warm and snug in the knowledge that I will not have to live through this exact day again. After all, tomorrow she has preschool.

Sense & Sensibility

2009-11-05T18:04:00.002+03:00

Khubz at preschool about 11:15: Where's my Mommy?

pickup is at 11:30 but this is her daily Q at 11:15.

Miss Wendy: Well, she's not here yet but I"m sure she is on her way.

Khubz: Oh. Well, I will not, not cry because I am very sensible and a big girl and so I will notnot cry.

As Miss Wendy was relaying this conversation to me at pickup and laughing Khubz comes over to her with a hug and says, "thank you for a fabulous day!" and Miss Wendy says "Oh thank you for a fabulous day!"

Miss Wendy begins to praise my child and her great vocabulary.
Go on. No. Really, go on! I am eating this up.

So I am convinced Khubz is brilliant--her favorite word is sensible for goodness sake.

And then it's naptime.
When naptime is over she announces that she has made a great big poop in her diaper.

This is bad news. She saves her poop for the diaper. She won't poop in the potty. It is disgusting. Really. And I have a considerable poop threshold.

So I am cleaning her off and informing her how very disgusting it is and she says,
"And Sensible, Mommy!!"

Also

2009-11-04T16:41:00.002+03:00

"That's pretty sensible" about getting a napkin for breakfast.

"That's so snazzy, mommy, I'm so snazzy." about new jammies from Tia Alex

Sometimes this blog is just post-it-notes for someone who wants to do a kiddo scrapbook one day. I do have a lot of other things to write about. It is going on the list of things to work on.

Got that lovin feeling

2009-11-04T09:27:00.004+03:00

Thumper is feeding himself now, fist after hungry fist. Tonight? Black beans and roasted sweet potato. And applesauce. And bread. And rice. He must be going through a growth spurt because he is never done with his meal.

He gets totally excited about Khubz. When he heard her not-napping at naptime he got all excited and scrambled down to her room. They then begin to "talk" to each other through the door. And, once again, I am the only one in the house who is begging for a nap.

Later I'm giving Thumper a bath and Khubz comes in to pee! (never to pee. always to pee!!!) I'm with my baby in the tub so help yourself. My back is to Khubz and I hear her say, "Wait! Waiiit! Wait for me! I'm coming in--don't flush!" She is doing a voice over for her toilet paper. She throws the toilet paper in and then flushes saying, "whew! I made it!"

There are all of these ways that she surprises me.

Later in the night we went to the store and were putting the food away. Scully remarks, "oh, I should have gotten some fruit to take to work tomorrow." She was saying this to me. Khubz looks up from her blueberries and says, "I have an idea, Mama! Take some of mine. I will share." We didn't even think she was listening to us.

Earlier at the store she wanted to hold her blueberries. We'd even given her a choice of a clearance halloween costume (with an orange wig) or the blueberries and she wanted the blueberries. (she did come from my body, you know.) So she hands the blueberries to the woman at the checkout and then asks for them back--she wants to hold them. Of course, you all already know the punchline. We turn around and Khubz drops the blueberries. Blueberries roll everywhere at the checkout. Everywhere. Okay. What do we do when we make a mess? "Clean it up!" she says. Okay. Now picture me and Khubz chasing blueberries all over the floor at the MallWart checkout registers. And I mean chasing. People were walking by and (accidentally?) kicking them. I handed her a brush--this was a mistake. Blueberries do roll naturally and with a 3 year old batting them around. . . You get the picture. So we got them all up (impressing the cashier who I guess thought we were just going to leave them there?) and thrown away. She still had some in the container that were saved--thank god. It was actually pretty funny.

We all had a really nice day today.

dia de los muertos

2009-11-04T06:34:00.003+03:00

Well, I am posting this too late to get in on the goods over at Crafty Chica. But every good altar deserves a post (even if only a picture post.)

October runs in the family

2009-10-23T08:56:00.002+03:00

photographs

2009-10-21T07:45:00.006+03:00

these are my children.

they did not hatch out of the earth

or a marriage

or a marriage bed.

they are my children.

they were created in my body
in a loving and holy way
with this woman.

I would not have these children
without her.

She is their mother.
My companion in creation.
My partner in the
everyday everything
of their lives.

& her
absence
in these
photographs
shames
me.

Code

2009-10-19T01:37:00.004+03:00

"I want to be a clown!"

This means "I want to take my markers and color all over my body."

(I should say that we are all sick and stuck in the house together--all of us. all weekend. Since Friday, even. and so my answer is most likely to be. . .)

"Uh. . . Um. . Okay. Whatever."

"I can color my arm?"

"sure."

"I can color my face?"

"no. not your face, please."

"I can color my belly?"

"sure."

"I can color my hands?"

"sure."

"I can color my bottom?"

"No."

"My feet?"

"Absolutely."

So we add "i want to be a clown" to "i want to be a puppy." which means she wants to wear shoes on her feet and shoes on her hands and walk around like a puppy. She usually wants to be a puppy as we are trying to leave the house. Sure, it's adorable. If you don't mind adding 30 minutes on your trip from the front door to the car door. But, yes. Adorable.

And the little man? Thumper has 4 teeth. Count 'em. 4. And he is using them. Just today we have developed this routine where he bites me, I pull him off my breast and glower at him. I plop him on the ground and frown. He begins to cry. I'm the one that was bit and he's crying? So we wait a minute and then try again. Right now he's having a bottle with Scully. Bite away.

Because Nabil is not Saudi Enough

2009-09-28T22:07:00.004+03:00

So my Dad was finally allowed to check in to his flight. We were all at the counter for a good two hours while the woman behind the desk called Amsterdam and tried to call Saudi Arabia (but she couldn't get the phone to work.)

My Dad.

My Saudi Dad. With his expired Saudi passport, his expired Saudi driver's license, his Saudi identity card (with no expiration date), his expired U.S. green card, a letter of extension for his expired green card, his current U.S. driver's license. All this. Even his grandson (Thumper) was vouching for him.

Two hours.

The woman had told them he couldn't travel on his expired passport because his destination would not let him enter. "But I'm Saudi." he said. She blinked. "They cannot refuse me. I am a Saudi national." My Mom tried to clear the confusion up. "He is Saudi. He is from Saudi Arabia." Hmmm. . . Repetition did not seem to be helping.

"I can only renew my passport while I am in the country. I have to be there to renew it. It is not renewed because I am not there. I am here."

And so he was. For two hours. Here, in the DSM airport.

"They have to take me. They cannot refuse me--where would they send me? They have to let me in." It seems there is not a hot market on rejected Saudi nationals.

After two hours one of the airport managers let him check in. Hamdillah.

That was yesterday. He just called my Mom to say he made it safe and sound and is with our Uncle and his son Faisal. But, wait. . .I don't have a cousin Faisal.

Apparently my cousin Nabil changed his name to Faisal. "Nabil" was a foreign name.

Big, big sigh.

Sigh that cannot capture all of the fractured parts between us Sigh.

Small Wonder

2009-09-11T00:30:00.005+03:00

Khubz started preschool yesterday. It was pretty clear she thought she had been dropped off in Disney Land. We had had an incredible weekend, with fabulous friends & family and a fabulous birthday party (she is three!) And ever since then she had been a hideous, horrid goop of a child. Horrid. I decided she'd had too much of "being special" as a birthday girl.

I was a bit worried dropping her off at daycare. Would they expel her? And what was the report? From Khubz: "Good." That's all. Like a teenager. Just "good." From the preschool teachers? "She is so sweet!" And I scrunched my eyes together trying to check them for sarcasm. No, really. Completely sweet.

In truth, she is doing great at preschool. I get dribbles of information like, "they've got hats! Fireman hat and a police officer hat and a princess hat." They talked about their families at circle time today. "How did it go?" No answer. "Did you tell them Lalo's name?" (we sent pictures.) No answer. "Did anyone say 'you can't have two mommies?' or 'haven't you read the bible?' or 'SODOMITE!' or anything like that??" Still no answer.

I'm sure if someone did she could take it. She practices all her wrestling moves on Thumper--she'd get them down.

Anyway, she seems to be having a great time. So I'm posting a couple pics from her fantastic birthday party. But don't tell her. I can't have the birthday monster back for a whole nother year.

Happy Birthday, sweet girl.

when crawling is not enough

2009-09-11T00:20:00.003+03:00

Its been a while friends.

Thumper is crawling. At his 6 mo checkup the doctor asked, "is he sitting up on his own yet?" No. We sit him up and he slumps over. And the next day he started sitting up. And getting in to a sitting position on his own. And then scooting to reach things. And then crawling.

He is more than crawling. He gets in a crawl position but puts his feet flat on the floor so he pushes up and shoots! forward!

It means when he crashes it sucks quite a bit. Last night I was worried he'd broken his nose by propelling himself flat into the floor on his face. Ouch.

But most of the time he chases his sister around. She loves this. He loves to head to the bathroom because it always results in a scoop up and return game.

He is just usually totally, totally joyous. And on the move. Unbelievably.

More WOW

2009-08-23T20:50:00.003+03:00

45 minute shower.

(sorry earth--But if you add up all the days that I go unshowered or two-minute showered I think it'll even out.)

So WOW and DOUBLE WOW.

:* (kiss)

A clean, relaxed kiss for all but an extra-special, squeeky clean kiss for Scully.

wow.

2009-08-23T20:06:00.002+03:00

It is noon.

I have just woken up.

The children are gone.
The house is clean.
The kitchen is clean.
Even the FRIDGE is clean.

I am alone in my house listening to an NPR playlist and (obviously) blogging.

I may have woken up in heaven.

This is good because last night was horrid.
Our drive back from Denver the night before was even more horrid.

While this might be an excellent time to actually blog stories I am going to go take a shower. A long, hot shower with the door closed (I usually shower with it open so I can keep an ear on the kids.) Crazy, I know. I may even lock bathroom door. Because I can.

Watch out!!

One more

2009-08-23T00:32:00.002+03:00

I can't resist.

Not at the wedding, obviously. But a great pic of the girl from Tia Lila.

Whew!

2009-08-23T00:11:00.003+03:00

Back from a family wedding in Colorado. Lots to catch up. As usually, I'm just posting some pics.

I suck. I know. But the pics are really good.

First Post by Khubz

2009-07-24T17:39:00.005+03:00

"Thumper and Mommy"

"Khubz and Mommy. In the Jungle."

(or at a zoo.)

"Muddy Khubz. Khubz Muddy. With Muddy Hands"

(at the ranch. in the mud. in heaven.)

"Mommy and Mama and Khubz and Thumper. In the zoo. With Flamingos. Finding Nemo."

(at the Dallas Aquarium and we did, in fact, find Nemo.)

Dinosaur crunching Khubz. That's funny. That was funny."

Adventures in Ineffectual Parenting

2009-07-10T22:52:00.002+03:00

So if the previous post were not enough to convince you that I have good and bad mommy days, let me offer up this afternoon's frivolities.

Khubz is boycotting nap. Fine. We're at home. She's staying in her room. Thumper has woken up and he and I are playing in the living room.

Khubz asks if she can join us. Nope. Not yet. Go back to your room. And she goes. I think I may have mastered this casual authority thing. Sure.

So naptime ends and I go in her room. She is naked, having cast off her dress and pulled off her diaper.

"Oh. You're naked. And what's that on your chair?" several small whitish blocks. Oh. A chunky board book that has had all the pictures torn off before it was shred to bits. "Oh. I see that you've torn up your book. Hmpf." This is supposed to buy me time.

She puts her arms up in the air and smiles like she has been chosen to be on the price is right. "And I peed!!!" Smiles all around.

I look at the room. She has taken all her sheets and pillows off her bed. This includes the plastic sheet we keep on her mattress. And she then pissed all over her raw, unprotected mattress.

I left the room.

I couldn't think of a right way to respond so I left. She said she was coming with me because "someone comin to play with me!" "No." I tell her "No one is coming to play with you. Ever. Never. Ever. Ever." I shut her door and she begins to cry. This makes me feel slightly better.

What is a natural consequence for this?

Make her clean up the mattress? Would that involve cleaner and water? She would see that as a gift, a grand adventure.

Make her sleep on the floor? We leave for TX tonight. She'll be sleeping in the car and a hotel room (also a gift, a grand adventure.)

Make her stay in her room until Scully returns home? Just. Not. Possible. This makes me feel sad.

So I decided to take the mattress. It is a bright sunny day. I put the mattress outside to let the sunlight work its magic. And what did we find?

A gift. All the lost precious toys that slipped under or alongside the mattress. Found! Treasures! Gifts!!

"Oh!" a smiling oh. "Sheep! Thank you Mommy!"

I boiled with anger.

In the end I put her room in time out which only punished me.

It will be nice to be in Texas.

"Where's Tita? Where's Tata? They've missed you. Go with them."

Terrified. Exhausted. Thankful. Furious. Blessed.

2009-07-07T07:17:00.003+03:00

It was quite a weekend and everyone is fine and still with us.

Our wonderful friend came to stay with us and Khubz demonstrated her gratitude by going through her bag. Everything in her bag. Including some prescription meds.

Poison control hotline. ER. Pediatric Ward.

You can imagine. I can't actually say very much because I'm still violently vomiting from the fear.

It doesn't seem that she actually swallowed anything. She did some licking, biting, perhaps got a corner of a pill. We just had no way of knowing for sure. So the night was spent relatively sure she was okay but just hanging out in the hospital in case she had a seizure.

Hamdillah, she is fine. The mommies want to murder her, sure. But she is fine.

And we are blessed.

Flashback

2009-06-29T06:51:00.001+03:00

What a difference a year makes!

Found it!

2009-06-29T06:28:00.001+03:00

Her first "Hmpf"

2009-06-17T04:53:00.002+03:00

We sometimes get in bad patterns, all of us do, right?

So Khubz has been going to bed later and later. This is partly due to the sun being up so much later and also due to our lax attitude. So we've started the crackdown because we can't have the two year old staying up later than the mommies.

We put her to bed and she asks for water, a different stuffed animal, she poops in the diaper, she wants to see what Thumper is doing, she needs her brother!! Whatever.

Tonight I tell her I don't want her coming out of her room unless she has pooped or needs to poop.

So she poops, I change her and tuck her back in bed.

She comes back out to see "what you doin, mommy?"

I tell her to go to bed.

She goes to her room. The light pops on.

I turn the light off.

She tells me she needs me to put the blanket on her.

I tell her no. When I tucked you in I told you I wouldn't come back in to do your blanket.

She wails. I leave. The light pops on. I ignore it. She beings kicking the wall with her feet.

I go to her room and turn the light off. "You do not get to kick our walls." (internal mommy: what the fuck will I do if she persists? How does one put the wall in time out??)

Okay Mommy. I leave. The light pops on.

I open her door walk in and turn the light off at the pull chord (which she cannot reach.)

Khubz looked at me, cocked her head and said, "Hmpf."

I shit you not. She "hmpf"ed me.

I left the room. She asked me to put her blanket on. I almost did I was so impressed with her use of the "hmpf" but I held my ground.

All seems quiet in there now but Thumper. . .Scully just finished his bath and Thumper is definitely in need of a beer. "Mommy! Get! In! Here! Now!!!"

I told Scully, "three minutes! Give me three more minutes!"

I heard Thumper's silent hmpf as well.

Okay, I'm off.

Stilted Exchange

2009-06-16T06:09:00.002+03:00

My beloved Scully is back from a 4 day work trip out of state. While she was gone about 42 of my people (not kidding) gathered at Mom's house for family reunion of sorts. 16 of those people were under 13 years of age. It actually went really well. Khubz had a blast with her cousins, was thoroughly adored by tias and tios, and Mommy even got a nap (wow!)

Thumper's ear infection seems to be on the mend. My sinus infection is just about cleared up. The antibiotics have given me a helluva yeast infection but that's to be expected, right?

There's a lot of stories to tell, but as usual, I have other plans.

Scully, Khubz, Thumper and I all went out to a nearby lake. It has a great meandering path around it and it was a beautiful evening. While there a man on a bike slowed down behind me (even though we always clear out of the way) and finally he said, "Eh. . . 'scuz me? Fruit'femme?" only he used my real name (pronounced correctly.)

Ah. . . Ghazzi. One of my dad's old friends (or used-to-be-friends? I can't tell if they had a falling out or just lost touch.) I remember Ghazzi from when I was a kid. The last time I saw him was one sister's weddings where he was taking the photos.

"You remember me?" he asked in well spoken, Arabic-accented-English.

"Oh, yes. Yes--how are you?"

And so it begins. How are you. How is your Dad? How is your Mom? How is K? T? N? J?

I answer all questions briefly, everyone is good. I'm holding Khubz hand and I have not introduced her. Scully (because she is unbelievably fucking wonderful) has smiled generically and taken two steps back with Thumper in the stroller. She gets very busy giving him his pacifier. I don't introduce Scully. Or Thumper. I act like there's nothing to say about the family around me. My family.

And please, no menacing me with a damn rainbow flag. This is not about a lack of pride on my part. Actually, I am completely and often obnoxiously proud of my family--which includes feeling proud of my dad.

It is one of the things that has made moving back here very complicated. Sharing a community with my dad. More than that--his friend, ex-friend, whatever, walking along the lake suddenly turns our nice little stroll into a complex chemistry formula with respect for Dad's boundaries, understanding culture, what does/does not need to be explained, representing my family, teaching Khubz and Thumper, being around an occasional Arab who may/may not know my dad and what that may/may not change for us (all of us) as a family. . . Mix all of this up in a test tube and wait for something to pop.

It is way too fucking complicated.

We go over to my parent's house every day. We just had a fucking family reunion and my dad's best friend (my godfather) was holding my son and laughing about how beautiful he is. This is the man that came to be with my father when Scully and I got married so my dad would not be alone that weekend. Khubz was calling them "The Grandpas." I don't feel like my dad needs to prove anything and I don't want him to feel like I'm crowding him.

We spend a lot of time dancing around each other's hurt feelings. I just don't think we need to introduce potentially flammable other people into the mix.

It just makes me feel shitty though.

Just completely shitty.

no mommy. you no sing. you listen

2009-06-11T05:11:00.002+03:00

theres a reason we call him smiles

2009-06-11T04:29:00.003+03:00

2 Cures for boredom: A Camera plus

2009-06-10T06:29:00.004+03:00

A googly eye

(damnit let someone else take the picture!)

Or a new hat

One hour later

2009-06-10T06:00:00.003+03:00

Okay, he's down again.

More things to remember?

Khubz talks a mile a minute now. She picks up all kinds of expressions and sometimes her context is a bit hit/miss. "Pues" is spanish for "well" as in "well. . . let me tell you." She would just interject it anywhere in a story. She's also saying, "I can't believe it! I just can't believe it!" She likes to make Thumper smile by singing to him. Then sometimes she likes to make him cry by growling (and it works.)

Thumper is 17.9 pounds. He is 25% for height and 75% for weight. I take this as proof that he came from my body.

Our best days are when I get a shower and when I get up before at least one of the kids. Khubz goes to bed much later now (8, 8:30 and on hazardous nights 9) and so she'll sleep till 7 reliably. Scully catches the 7 am bus to campus so I ususally just blow her a kiss as I'm staggering out of the bed. We usually go on an adventure in the morning to a park or store or something. Over to Grandma's for lunch, storytime and nap. We sometimes have an afternoon adventure but more often just play at Grandma's for a couple more hours and then head to campus to pick up Mama.

When Khubz is hyped up (like tonight) Scully will take her on an adventure after dinner. This is bliss. It gives them one-on-one time. Thumper and I get individual time and/or sleep and/or the latest episode of House in.

It seems my posts are mostly postcards on the kids--that's just how it is right now. I don't scrapbook but there's a lot I don't want to lose. Like this

Things to remember

2009-06-10T05:10:00.002+03:00

Khubz is 80% potty trained. We put a diaper on at bedtime and naptime. I think we'll be preschool ready by September.

Thumper found his feet two days ago. This is unbelievable fun! He can't yet munch on his toes but that's coming.

Thumper has an ear infection and I have a sinus infection. We are both on antibiotics--fun times. Everyone in the house is alseep right now (it's 9pm) except me. I am exhausted but I never have the house or my arms to myself and I'm not going to waste this opportunity!

Thumper is eating rice cereal and applesauce. He loooves the applesauce. This also means that we no longer have newborn diapers. Bring on the baby poop.

And, as is obligitory, Thumper has just woken up. Unbelievable.

Okay, I'm off

blog worthy

2009-06-06T05:35:00.002+03:00

We say it all the time. "Oh, man--that is blog-worthy!" But, as you may have noticed, I blog a whole lot less than I used to. And I miss it. And I have things to say.

Dr. Tiller was murdered. I was speechless. I rented an old documentary on anti-choice fundamentalists (I've been asked to stop calling them fetuses extremists.) It is all terrifying. And though I have seen media calling the fundies "terrorists" I haven't seen this documented as an "honor killing" or questions about how their flawed, violent, patriarchal culture/religion makes them this way. I am so sad that he was murdered. If you don't know about the Peggy Bowman Second Chance Fund, go visit and donate if you can. They helped women directly and worked with the clinic in Wichita.

"The worm is broken. The worm broked. I have two wormz." We took the kids fishing tonight and Khubz got to adopt a worm. It is her pet or, I guess now, her pets. She had a blast. And now she is blissfully passed out in her bed.

Her brother, of course, is exercising his lungs.

So though there is much more that's blog worthy. . .

we are still here

2009-05-30T07:03:00.004+03:00

And growing

And fishing (with grandpa)

And getting in touch with our inner citrus-y sherbert-y self (doesn't he look totally edible?)

And communing with the goddess a bit (in this case, on vacation)

And posing a bit

And goofing off a bit (Thumper is being eaten by his best friend, a silver sting ray. He adores it! And Khubz is up front and center, as she is accustomed. Scully is there as back up and I am left to document the hilarity that is a toddler, an infant, two mommies and a sting ray in a hotel room)

simple fix

2009-04-24T17:12:00.002+03:00

What do you do when you wake up too late to roll out the roll dough and let it rise properly? Put it in a warm oven, of course. And what do you do when the oven is actually too warm and the rolls rise and then deflate looking like rolls that have had gastric bypass surgery? Tell everyone they're an exotic cross between rolls and flat bread! (I inform Scully, who has a pot luck today at work.) And when said mysterious bread product is then burned in the oven? What do you do then???

Celebrate! These damn rolls are not meant for consumption!

I told Scully "tell everyone that the children are fine but the rolls suffered a terrible death."

I do wish things at her office weren't so contentious. (How can a potluck be contentious?? but it is.) If we were in lawrence I'd have brought the overly browned hockey pucks and we'd have all just laughed about it.

Good thing the oatmeal cake turned out okay.

Recent developments

2009-04-18T07:07:00.003+03:00

Thumper has started playing. He likes to grasp something--anything, smile and squeeze it. This is particularly funny if what he is grasping is his sister.

And Khubz has moved on in her dreams. For months we'd say "what are you going to dream about tonight?" and she'd say "a monster like grover" or "big bird in his nest" or any number of Sesame Street friends.

Tonight out of the blue she says "tick birds." Big Bird? "No, Mommy. Tick Birds on a rhino. Eating comida. Tick birds."

Thank you, Animal Snackers for spicing up dreamland.

Welcome Ryah!

2009-04-16T16:32:00.003+03:00

Sometime last night sister Samm became Mommy Samm to Ryah. Welcome sweet little girl. You gave your Mom and all of us quite a start coming almost two months early. But we are totally proud of you for fighting so hard to come into the world. We are so grateful you decided to stay.

Congratulations to us!!!

Worth a thousand words

2009-04-16T05:50:00.005+03:00

A big welcome from the great state of Texas.

Please note furious winds--I had to stop taking pictures and hold my skirt down. Khubz was very excited to identify the letter X for us. Also see her aforementioned cowboots.

I flip Texas a lot of shit even though George Bush is finally out of office. But many, many fabulous things happen there. Just take a look!

Our son meets the goddess

Beginning BlueBonnets

Khubz as CowGirl doing the Spiral Dance

These boots were made for walkin.

She picked them. She loooves them.

Of course they're pink.

Khubz: "See my harry potter? i very braaaave."

Scully: Well, now she's a real texan. She was attacked by a mesquite tree and

lived to tell the story.

Smiley Smilerton enjoyed himself.

Here he is demonstrating "guffaw."

I'm sure its because I said something very, very funny.

Competition for eggs was hot at the ranch. Khubz held her own. Thumper simply charmed people in to giving him their chocolate.

Frog catching, turtle spotting and all the mud a kid could ask for.

Yes. She rode this with her cousin. Dissatisfied being a side kick she also drove it. By herself. Scully fixed it to go about 2 mph. I was still pretty sick watching.

What a great day!!!

And this one was all smiles. He was cackling with laughter even when we were at walmart. People stopped and stared because the sound of laughter had never before been heard at the walmart checkout.

Jumping the state sanctioned broom

2009-04-14T05:01:00.005+03:00

So we are getting married. Again. This time the state of Iowa is invited. Scully and I married six years ago. Our ceremony was outside. There was a stunning sunset. We called the four corners, were tied together with a lasso, exchanged coins, jumped a broom and bound our hands & fates together.

With all that, who would have missed a teeny, tiny bit of government recognition?

Well we did. So here we go again.

You can pick up forms in three weeks and I think we are going to move quickly. I am joyous, stunned, proud of iowa, nearly speechless, grateful to the queers who endured the hateful rhetoric. . .

And with all of that said, I do think marriage is kind of weird. I don't think it is the be all/end all of queer equality or ending homophobia. It is not the battlefront that I would have chosen and it is not the battlefront that I have devoted much personal energy towards.

But it is also not really me that thinks marriage is weird. Just listen to the folks who were trying to "protect" marriage. This is what they think its good for.

In prior court proceedings, Polk County lawyers had offered five main rationales for the law banning gay marriages:

to maintain traditional marriage,

to promote the optimal environment for raising children,

to promote procreation,

to promote stability in opposite-sex relationships,
and to conserve state resources such as tax breaks.

Lets break these down.

Traditional Marriage--Yes. Please. Let's stick with tradition. Which tradition, you ask? How about one that allows a twelve year old girl to be married off to a 50 year old man? Yes, please! Tradition is good!

A quick side note on this one. I do wish the white queer groups would stop using interracial marriage analogies to try and logic people through this argument. Rather than helping people reason it only invites more emotion and reveals just how blindingly white most queer groups are. Why not talk religion? For real. Avoid the whole is it/isn't it a choice (who cares anyway!) question and use a religion analogy. It does go against some people's religious definition of marriage for a Muslim to marry a Wiccan. It does not & should not matter to the state--even though religion is something that can be changed. It is nobody's business and if a church disagrees with it then they do not perform that marriage. I think it's a much better analogy.

Raising children--Okay, let me try and do this one without being too bitchy. So if I was married to a man things would be better for the kids because there'd be more pornography around the house? It seems I've been confused about what we've been doing around the fruitbasket. I thought we were promoting an optimal environment for children. Forget all the endless reading of Mi Carrito over and over and over and OVER again. Forget ABCFroog! Forget the seedlings by the window, the expensive organic apples, the stomping in mud puddles. What we need is a man! If all these homophobe groups are worried that Thumper won't learn how to pee standing up they can relax. I'm a dyke. I've peed standing up my whole life.

Promote Procreation--because the human species is in jeopardy of dying out. For real, though, anyone who had the misfortune of being around me when I was on the crazy-woman-juice would know better than to suggest I hadn't done my bit to keep the human race going--queer or no.

Stability in opposite-sex relationships--Look. If your hetero relationship is threatened by the mere presence of queers you are in a whole lot of trouble. I'd think you'd want us getting married so there'd be less temptation for you to stray. "Poor heterosexuals. They can be swayed so easily." How is it that the homophobes haven't come after these lawyers for using this as one of their points?

And finally, tax breaks. Because this is the best way to decide anybody's civil rights.

So why are we doing this anyway?

Because this is the first time the government has acknowledged that we are a family with all the bliss and shit that carries. I don't think the queer rights movement should be all about achieving "straightland" and I'm not interested in "acting normal."

But Scully and I have obligations to each other. We have obligations to our kids. We live up to and struggle through those obligations every day. I just think we deserve the same government recognition of that. And maybe a tax break.

Please don't touch me

2009-04-14T04:32:00.002+03:00

I need to start by saying, hamdillah, that we made it back safe and sound from texas. I should next tell you that we had a fabulous trip, Khubz and Thumper were appropriately adored, springtime in texas really is beautiful, we all had a very good time.

Now please stop touching me.

We left Tx at 6 pm. Thumper fell asleep about 7. Khubz informed us she wasn't going to sleep in her carseat and would instead "wait for her bed." That's fine. But your bed is 6 hours away in Kansas at a as-yet-unknown motel-6. Don't wait up.

It was pouring rain. People in OK City were driving like they did not love their lives or ours. Khubz was alternately belting out ABCD and sobbing. She was way overtired. She didn't like me periodically leaning over Thumper to nurse and abandoning her. She discovered how to yank on Scully's seat belt with her foot and didn't like being told to put! her! foot! down! Through her tears she would ask to hold my arm.

You know how this goes.

"Hold you arm, mommy?" said sobbingly. "You big arm?" "You HUUUUGE arm Mommy?" "Big,big,big arm??" She loves my arms. She loves arm fat. She loves how squishy I am. Good thing. But after hours of that, especially that spliced with screaming fits about whether she would or would not kick the seatbelt, I was ready to yell "Mama! She won't stop touching me!!!" It did not help that when I would edge away from Khubz, closer to Thumper he would actually begin to chew on me.

It is good to be home.

We also got to stop in Lawrence, did a drive-by squeeze with one of Khubz's (and our) very good friends. We also stopped at another friend's to meet their latest addition. He is completely squeezable, edible, addictive--sweet little man ready to curl up on you and grunt away. My friend and I did not get a chance to really talk (of course) and there are so many, many things I want to say. Things like: you helped me hold on after thumper was born and I am totally here to help you hold on. And like: You are right. It is too much. It is totally okay to just get through right now. And also like: This is the hardest part. This right here and everyone is at their worst because it is the hardest part and soon there will be some more sleep and soon there will be some very restorative smiles and there will still be plenty of veryveryvery hard but it will be buffered by these better moments. And also finally: I know these are all platitudes but I do believe they are true and I clung to them and you can hold them or discard them as you need to. But I am totally proud of you for being honest about what you are feeling and as always I am here for you, loving you my very dear friend.

So there is a lot to blog about--texas stories, emotional updates, kiddo updates, cheers and jeers. . . But there's been a noticeable absence of fruit here lately as well as very few posts that don't talk about me washing poop out of elmo underwear. So I'm going to try and download the Tx pics, do some kiddo posting and also some conversation about our marriage quandary, "male post partum depression", economic recovery news and whether or not Scully and I should change our names. Oh yeah--also some type of salacious fruit image. Watch for it!

It is not all a barrel of laughs

2009-04-08T07:15:00.002+03:00

But today was a very fun day.

The number of the day was 4. MajPaj, Khubz and I cut out paper hands and practiced putting the thumb down. We then taped them to cardboard sticks and they had "stop" signs. I was the train and they "stop!"d and "go!"d me for an hour. Why am I the one running around? They're the toddlers. Give me those damn signs! :)

I only had to clean poop out of elmo underwear once (that makes it a very good day!)

I had some biopsies done to diagnose a condition I've had since I was eight (don't ask) and the stitches blew. Why is this good news? Its small enough that I did not have to go get stitched back up.

I made six kids happy at snack time without resorting to chocolate. (Yellow, red and orange tomatoes, blood oranges and sunflower seeds. For real!)

Scully offered to rub my feet and wound up massaging my legs. Very, very nice.

We leave for texas tomorrow. The hardest part of this is finding anything to wear. All my normal/not pregnant clothes are chosen with one key element in mind. "Does this show off my tits?" Though my breasts are large right now (full of milk) they aren't what I would call well placed. I often call them gravity indicators. I've recently stolen the term "straws" from my good friend. So I have all these tops with scooped necklines demonstrating the nursing bras that look like they were mass produced during world war II to convince the germans they should stay out of england. (sigh)

That's okay. All anyone will notice is Thumper. His bright, smiling eyes and his open grasping mouth. And then his sister. "You GOT MILK MOMMY? from you CHEST? MILK, MOMMY? It SPILLING? ON YOU SHIRT? MILK ALL OVER, MOMMY?"

Stay tuned. I'm off to finish the laundry before the hungry one wakes up.

Goin to the chapel and im gonna get married!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-03T21:51:00.002+03:00

Unanimous ruling: Iowa marriage no longer limited to one man, one woman
REGISTER STAFF REPORTS • April 3, 2009

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090403/NEWS/90403010

The Iowa Supreme Court this morning upheld a Polk County judge’s 2007 ruling that marriage should not be limited to one man and one woman.The ruling, viewed nationally and at home as a victory for the gay rights movement and a setback for social conservatives, means Iowa’s 5,800 gay couples can legally marry in Iowa beginning April 24.There are no residency rules for marriage in Iowa, so the rule would apply to any couple who wanted to travel to Iowa.
OAS_AD('300x250_1');

document.write('');

Shelly Wolfe and Melisa Keeton, who waited for word of the ruling outside the Polk County Recorder’s Office, immediately called their pastor anyway to make plans.“We’re going to make it legal,” Keeton, 31, of Des Moines said.Wolfe, 38, and Keeton, who is 21 weeks pregnant, went through a commitment ceremony two years ago. Their marriage certificate was among the 26 that were put on hold when Polk County Judge Robert Hanson’s decision to open the door for gay marriage was delayed until the high court could weigh in.Third state to allow same-sex marriagesToday’s decision makes Iowa the first Midwestern state, and the third in the country, to allow same-sex marriages. Lambda Legal, a gay rights group, financed the court battle and represented six couples who challenged Iowa’s 10-year-old ban on gay marriage.Supreme Court Justice Mark Cady, who wrote the unanimous decision, at one point invoked the court’s first-ever decision, in 1839, which struck down slavery laws 17 years before the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the right of a slave owner to treat a person as property.

Iowa’s gay marriage ban “is unconstitutional, because the county has been unable to identify a constitutionally adequate justification for excluding plaintiffs from the institution of civil marriage,” Cady wrote in the 69-page opinion that seemed to dismiss the concept of civil unions as an option for gay couples.“A new distinction based on sexual orientation would be equally suspect and difficult to square with the fundamental principles of equal protection embodied in our constitution,” Cady wrote.The ruling, however, also addressed what it called the “religious undercurrent propelling the same-sex marriage debate,” and said judges must remain outside the fray.

Some Iowa religions are strongly opposed to same-sex marriages, the justices noted, while some support the notion.“Our constitution does not permit any branch of government to resolve these types of religious debates and entrusts to courts the task of ensuring that government avoids them,” the opinion says.The ruling explicitly does not affect “the freedom of a religious organization to define marriage it solemnizes as unions between a man and a woman,” the justices stressed. The case, Varnum vs. Brien, involved couples who sued Polk County Recorder Timothy Brien in 2005 after his office denied them marriage licenses. Hanson sided with the couples last year but then suspended his decision pending a high court ruling.

• Read the summary: Iowa Supreme Court's decision on same-sex marriage.• Read the full opinion: Iowa Supreme Court's decision on same-sex marriage.

“We won! It is unanimous!” Camilla Taylor of Lambda Legal exclaimed when the ruling was announced. “Today the dream becomes reality … and Iowa constitution’s promise of equality is fulfilled. Iowans have never waited for others to do the right thing. Iowa took its place in the vanguard of the civil rights struggle, and we couldn’t be more proud to be part of this.”Gov. Chet Culver e-mailed a response to reporters that said: “The decision released this morning by Supreme Court addresses a complicated and emotional issue, one on which Iowans have strong views and opinions on both sides.

The next responsible step is to thoroughly review this decision, which I am doing with my legal counsel and the attorney general, before reacting to what it means for Iowa.”Richard Socarides, a former senior adviser to President Bill Clinton on gay civil rights, said today’s decision could mean as much to gay couples outside Iowa.“I think it’s significant because Iowa is considered a Midwest state in the mainstream of American thought,” Socarides, a senior political assistant for Iowa Sen. Tom Harkin in the early 1990s, said Thursday. “Unlike states on the coasts, there’s nothing more American than Iowa. As they say during the presidential caucuses, ‘As Iowa goes, so goes the nation.’”

have long argued that allowing gay marriage would erode the institution. Some Iowa lawmakers, mostly Republicans, attempted last year to launch a constitutional amendment to specifically prohibit same-sex marriage.Such a change would require approval in consecutive legislative sessions and a public vote, which means a ban could not be imposed until at least 2012, unless lawmakers take up the issue in the next few weeks. Leaders this week said they had no plans to do so.

Senate Republican Leader Paul McKinley, R-Chariton, nonetheless called for an immediate move to amend the constitution.“The decision made by the Iowa Supreme Court today to allow gay marriage in Iowa is disappointing on many levels,” he said. I believe marriage should only be between one man and one woman, and I am confident the majority of Iowans want traditional marriage to be legally recognized in this state. “Though the court has made their decision, I believe every Iowan should have a voice on this matter and that is why the Iowa Legislature should immediately act to pass a constitutional amendment that protects traditional marriage, keeps it as a sacred bond only between one man and one woman and gives every Iowan a chance to have their say through a vote of the people.”State Rep. Dave Heaton, R-Mount Pleasant, said he would support a constitutional amendment. However, he also believes lawmakers would have to work on parallel legislation that would grant civil unions or some sort of way to grant legal rights to same-sex couples.“I firmly believe marriage should be between a man and a women but at the same time, I believe we should address these issues,” Heaton said. “I would rather recognize a civil union than to have same-sex marriage.”

Diane Thacker’s eyes filled with tears as the ruling were read to an crowd opposed to gay marriage that had gathered on the north side of the judicial building.“Sadness,” she whispered.. “But I’m prayerful and hopeful that God’s word will stand.”Thacker said she joined to group “because I believe in the marriage vow. I can’t see it any other way.”Democratic State Sen. Matt McCoy of Des Moines, saw the decision a different way.“I’m off the wall. I’m very pleased to be an Iowan,” said McCoy, who is openly gay. Voices from outside the state quickly took sides. The Iowa Supreme Court’s Web site was deluged with more than 1.5 million visitors as of 11 a.m., court spokesman Steve Davis said..Doug Napier, a lawyer for the Alliance Defense Fund in Arizona, said the Iowa Supreme Court “stepped out of its proper role in interpreting the law.”Napier said the legislature should place a constitutional amendment on a statewide ballot to let Iowans decide.The Defense of Marriage Act “was simple, it was settled, and overwhelming supported by Iowans,” Napier said. “There was simply no legitimate reason for the court to redefine marriage.”Maggie Gallagher, president of the National Organization for Marriage, a New Jersey group, said “once again, the most undemocratic branch of government is being used to advance an agenda the majority of Americans reject.”“Marriage means a husband and wife. That’s not discrimination, that’s common sense,” she said in a press release. “Even in states like Vermont, where they are pushing this issue through legislatures, gay marriage advocates are totally unwilling to let the people decide these issues directly.”

Mark Kende, a constitutional law professor at Drake University, described the ruling as narrowly written and “very well reasoned,” and predicted it will have national, possibly international, influence. But it also could create new, inter-state legal battles, he said. Couples who flock to Iowa to marry may not have their marriage recognized in other states that prohibit same-sex marriage, he said.The decision also is limited to civil marriages performed in county buildings, he said.Meanwhile, Kate and Trish Varnum, whose surname will forever be attached to the historic decision, called it “a great day for Iowa.”At a press conference this morning, Kate Varnum said: “Good morning… and I’d like to introduce you to my fiancé. Today I am proud to be a lifelong Iowan.”Trish Varnum added: “It’s been a wonderful adventure, and we’re looking forward to the next wonderful adventure — as a married couple in Iowa.”A Des Moines Register poll in 2008 of Iowa lawmakers showed that a majority of Iowa’s lawmakers —123 of 150 — said they believed marriage should only be between a man and a woman. It was unclear whether those lawmakers had enough votes to pass a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage.Iowans have mixed feelings on the issueAn Iowa Poll in February 2008 showed that most Iowans believed marriage should be only between one man and one woman. However, the poll also showed that a majority of Iowa adults supported the creation of civil unions that would grant benefits to gay couples similar to those offered to heterosexuals in marriage.In the poll, 62 percent of Iowans said they believed marriage should be only between a man and a woman. Thirty-two percent said they believed same-sex marriages should be allowed, while 6 percent were unsure.Iowans were split, however, on whether the state constitution should be changed to ban gay marriages. More than half of Iowans who responded to the poll supported civil unions for same-sex couples. About four in 10 Iowans opposed civil unions, and 4 percent were unsure.

More reaction from elected officials, religious leaders Harkin, a Democrat, issued a written statement today that said: “my personal view has been that marriage is between a man and a woman, and I have voted in support of that concept. But I also fundamentally believe that same sex couples in a civil union should be entitled to all the basic legal protections and benefits of marriage.”“I know that this decision will be very hard for many to accept,” he added. “But I also know that it will provide many committed same sex couples and families important rights, as well as an important sense of recognition and belonging.”Religious leaders who support gay-marriage rights praised the ruling as an affirmation of equal rights for all Iowans.“The court’s ruling shows Iowa is a place that celebrates fairness and equality for all Iowans,” said Connie Ryan Terrell, executive director of the Interfaith Alliance of Iowa. “It upholds the spirit of Iowa’s constitution, which clearly states each of us has the right to equal protection and recognition under the law.”The Rev. Mark Stringer said he cried when he heard of the decision. Stringer performed the only legal same-sex marriage in Iowa when he officiated a ceremony for Sean Fritz and Tim McQuillan in 2007.“It was such a sense of relief to me as someone who has cared about marriage equality,” Stringer said, adding that he is happy gay couple will have the same rights as he and his wife.“It’s really an astounding moment under our history,” he said. “What really excites me is that Iowa is the first in our area of the country. We are being a leader in civil rights, which will be part of our state’s history.” Polk County Attorney John Sarcone, whose office represented Brien, said has no plan to seek a new hearing on the case or appeal to the federal courts. Sarcone said the case involved “a substantial time and monetary commitment” for the county, although he did not know the dollar amount. Assistant County Attorney Roger Kuhle, who argued the case to the high court, traveled to England and Canada at county expense to take sworn statements, he said.

“This was never anything personal,” Sarcone said. “We have a responsibility to defend the recorder. We defended the statute, and we had a fair and full hearing in the district court and the supreme court. Everything was done with dignity.”

These are a few of my favorite things

2009-03-28T05:54:00.003+03:00

Today we painted rocks. Tia Lila gave MajPaj & Khubz a bath. There was lots of play with some wild animal toys we brought to Gramma's house. There were only two time outs today. Khubz was great with the "please"s and "thank you"s. I had a shower.

It really was a fine day. Better than fine. Really good day actually. I feel sort of unsatisfied or sad with the day and can't figure out why. I think I need to get out of my head. Lists are good for that aren't they?

Khubz has recently discovered Julie Andrews. In particular, she likes "A few of my favorite things" and we listen to it on repeat from our house to Grammas every day (it plays approximately 4.7 times, depending on how many red lights we hit.) I'm trying to broaden her musical horizons so its not all "C is for Cookie." So she also likes "Cecilia" and "Pay Me My Money Down." What else does she like?

Puddles. We got her rain boots--I think they're really ugly. They have cows on them. She LOVES them. She also got an umbrella. Watch out. She will take your eye out with it. We go searching for puddles each day and as I pulled her out of the carseat today she said, "no puddles today?" None today. But it is Springtime in Iowa. There will be more puddles.

Pears. Grampa is the giver of pears and she quickly becomes offended if he doesn't offer her a bite of his pear when he's eating one. She was not a fan of the kumquats, by the way. I'll try giving her one again after she's read some Christina Rossetti.

Play time. "Isnot naptime??" Khubz demands reassurance every time we wash hands or settle in to her room for a story or anything else that seems suspicious. No, habibeti, it is play time. "Ohhhh. Playtime!"

The letter W. Please DO NOT take that as a political statement. She goes looking for Ws everywhere. Sometimes I doubt her when she says she's found one but there it is. And sometimes it is an "M" and I don't have the heart to tell her that's a different letter. She is so happy when she spots a W. Other letters? "G" for our Goddess Guadalupe. "C" truly is for cookie. She's beginning to take a liking to O as well.

The number 2. And 3. And 7. And 10. She likes making these numbers on her hands. Especially 10. She will resist naptime by trying to make me smile (this works.) "Where's deiz, Mommy?" where? "Right here!" She throws up her ten fingers. Smart, cute girl. Now go to sleep.

Two Mommies. "I gots two mommies. I gotta mama--thats a mommy. and I gotta mommy. I gots TWO." and she'll flash you the number two. This makes me unendingly happy. It helps counteract some of the "where's my daddy?" that she took on after hanging out with MajPaj and his daddy so much.

Frog. "Frog" makes everything funny. Want to make a joke out of "row, row, row your boat?" Just sing: "row, row, row your frog!" Then gasp loudly and say, "Frooooggg???!" Hysterical laughter. Now repeat. When that gets old, try this one. "A, B, C, D, E, F, FROOOOG" And you think that's funny? How about "ring around the rosy, pockets full of poesy, ashes, ashes we all fall froooog!" You get the idea.

And what about little thumper? He is also developing some likes and dislikes.

Thumbs up to: Amoxicillin. Yes, he has another ear infection.

Thumbs down to: Audiologists. He passed his hearing screening in one ear and failed it in the other. She thinks this is due to the ear infection and the huge gob of wax on his eardrum. It took an hour and half because his ear canals are so small they didn't have an instrument small enough and we had to keep starting over.

Thumbs up to: His sister! He loves to watch her. Even though she thumped him on the head today he still smiled at her and all her "frog" renditions.

Thumbs down to: Carseats. What's with the prettied up language anyway. Call them what they are. Child restraints!

Thumbs up to: Sleeping with the mommies. He seems to enjoy it when his sister joins in the fun as well. That's fine for him. He's not the one who goes on yellow alert.

The thumbs up really do outnumber the thumbs down. Thumbs up to: ceiling fans, gramma, taking baths, tylenol, being adored, farting at will, smiling, pacifiers, tummy time and the evening (when Khubz is asleep and its an endless milky buffet).

I guess that's a pretty good summation for today.

The thumbs up do indeed outnumber the thumbs down.

Sometimes chiggers are worth it

2009-03-24T05:03:00.002+03:00

Yes, this is easy to say when you're not the one scratching. But, really, an entire day divided up between two parks? Totally worth it. Even to the the itchy toddler. So Khubz has some chigger bites. Poor girl. Was she complaining about the park time? Nooooo. . .

Especially since the full day devoted to parks included two of her best friends, Sunkist and Root Beer. And what could make a glorious day in the park surrounded by friends even better for the mommy? An exhausted Khubz (who boycotted naptime) and then slept for 14 hours straight. I love my children and I really, really, really love them when they are asleep.

Thumper (or Smiles as I often call him) for his part enjoyed the first park with us from the comfort of the sling. The second park (where I suspect the chiggers lay in wait) he declined and spent the afternoon sprawled out on Scully.

We had such a good time! It meant that the mommies (BOTH of us!) got to watch an entire made-for-grown-ups movie with our friends. By the way, go rent Rachel Getting Married. But put in a stick of gum or something because it is gut wrenching and I had a headache from clenching my jaw the whole time. Really, really good. Honestly, I never pay attention to movies and this was riveting!

It was such a nice weekend. We grilled out. We frolicked. We relaxed. We laughed. The weekend was entirely wonderful--just like these friends.

pic review

2009-03-20T05:33:00.005+03:00

Fruit, Basket

Tina, revised

Thumper--all feet and smiles

Los Ninos

So yes, smiles all around. I should admit that today I asked Thumper if he would like to be an only child. Because I was about to murder his sister. She would not take a nap and in the face of her willfulness I threw a massive two-year-old fit. Luckily, we all wound up in the park for a two hour frolic. Scully met us there after work and Khubz promptly fell asleep in the car.

This would normally spell trouble but we decided it meant we could turn off Khubz's music and have a moment of peace in the car together instead. And we got sodas. Just for the two of us. We are bitches.

There have been some accomplishments lately:

Thumper has discovered his sister. And she makes him all smiley.

Scully took Khubz on the bus. To the delight of all the other passengers there was a "wheels on the bus" sing along from one end of the town to the other.

The new coop has opened today. I almost cried when I went through it. It felt like home.

I learned a new technique to enhance kumquat enjoyment. Expect the video shortly. And probably the erotica.

fruit of the femme

2009-03-14T05:38:00.003+03:00

What does fruit of the loom have in common with fruit of the femme?

No strawberries.

Khubz, it seems, is allergic to strawberries. We'd often notice a stain on her cheek when she would eat strawberries. Must have gotten some juice on her face, we'd dismiss. No, actually, it is an allergic reaction. And it has gotten worse.

We had strawberries for snack over at a friends house and her cheeks became blotchy and purple and hot.

No strawberries.

Poor girl!

Overheard at casa de basket

2009-03-10T06:15:00.002+03:00

Hello kind friends.

I am feeling better in general. I think I'm hovering at around 70%. Not bad. We got to go home last weekend and see friends and that was wonderful. We stayed in a hotel with our infant and our toddler and that was not wonderful. We essentially squatted at our friends houses during the day and that was totally, unbelievably wonderful.

On that quick note, have you checked out the news at the Pairs? Welcome Snoodle! Awesome! I cannot wait to meet that little man.

So since I'm feeling better I thought I'd share a few quick gems heard round the basket lately.

"H-Oh!! Umm. No. Just gas" We are potty training again and it is working much, much better. Thank you, Maj Paj (cousin the same age who has it almost totally down) and Gramma (our dealer/supplier of M&Ms as rewards for going on the potty.) Tonight Scully, the kids and I all headed to the store and had to make an emergency stop at McD. Turns out, just gas. That's okay! I'd rather she err that way.

"Tinytiny penis???" Khubz is interested. Though she was unimpressed with the size of her brother's junk she quite interested in the equipment. This coupled with the potty training also has her practicing "Ulwa?" "No, sweetie. Vulva." "Ooooh. Vulwa."

(yes, I am super excited to see how many blog hits I get just for that one story)

"You do not play baseball in Gramma's basement!!" All the kids were out of school today so it was a bit overwhelming at Gramma's house. At some point there seemed to be a lot of fun being had in the basement so I was elected to ruin the good time. Turns out the kids decided freezing cold rain need not stop them. Just do baseball in the basement.

"It was a good day. Because nobody went to jail." This is the new lingo Scully and I are using to evaluate our days. It is pretty cute because I occasionally get a text message from her alerting me that she may, in fact, be going to jail. I let her know that we're on one income and cannot afford bail. Choose wisely!

"Did you poop today? Because if you pooped then you weren't really busy, were you?!" I said this on day when it really did feel like someone was pulling on my clothes, asking to climb up for "Mommyholdyou??" or actually sucking/suckling the life out of me every minute of my day. I was super glad when Scully got home.

"Mommy, where do rocks come from? From the sky?" It was actually MajPaj who said this one to his mom but I was dazzled by it, by the way these kiddos are making me rethink my world and just had to write it down.

"Mommy eating Stinky?" Khubz is still figuring out the nursing thing. I always promptly correct her, "no, Mommy is feeding Stinky." "Ooooh." She takes holds her shirt up and nurses her baby doll at the same time. It makes me smile.

So, stinky (though he is just as stinky) does not seem to be the best name for the boy. He has charmed me too much and Stinky seems to be a bit edgy for such an unbelievably sweet little man. So Scully thinks Thumper would suit him. Really, go back and look at the picture of his feet. Thumper it is.

And with that it is time for Mommy to go eat, er, feed Thumper.

Here Comes the Son

2009-03-05T05:33:00.002+03:00

Doin better.

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right It's all right

Stay tuned.

ps thanks dawn, for the pic! we totally love you!

Isokay, mommy. 'sokay.

2009-01-31T18:13:00.008+03:00

One of the problems with depression (in my case, pregnancy detox) is that you become unreasonable, irrational and unpredictable. It makes your memory faulty. You feel done with it but can't seem to will it away. Everyone around you feels done with it. You begin to worry that relationships can't sustain the ridiculous levels of sadness when actually you have every reason you've ever had to feel joyous. It is hard to call friends because you don't want to subject them to your misery since you can't stand being around yourself either. At the same time, staying in your house and not talking to friends and family only makes you feel more miserable. And yet you cannot logic yourself out of it.

When you do get a bit of good sleep it is just enough to make you feel like you can access your skills at biting sarcasm (and your skills are considerable. )

The justified complaints get tangled up in the ridiculous ones. Or they get tied up in defensiveness from other things. It is difficult and complicated.

And sometimes, you just really need a reminder that you are actually having a good time in this world that you've spent so many years wishing for.

I don't do so good with the "positive messaging" for myself. My mother busted out the word "castigate" when describing how I am talking to myself.

But I do know I'm not going to remember very much of this (just cause I'm not sleeping much) and I'll be sad that the memory I do have is (shudder) "that sucked!" Because it isn't all unreasonable sad feelings.

There are occasional 2 am moments when I look at Stinky and feel real camaraderie with him like, okay. Its two am and we're going to have to get through this night together. Just us and the herb detectives.

And Khubz, for all the boundary testing, is very fun. It's not all purple sharpie marker on Gramma and Grampa's bedroom carpet (and tv remote and laundry basket and box springs and telephone and exercise bike.) For real--we are having fun together too. And look, I have proof!

Good job, Mommy, Good Job: Sticky Square

Take a length of contact paper & tape it sticky side up to the carpet. Let the frivolity begin.

This kept her busy (on and off) for an hour (!!) And I felt like a good mommy for turning the tv off. And I felt like a really good mommy when she started doing all this imaginary play with the box being a pool, having her animals tromp through there and get stuck in the mud, taking a bath and needing soap etc.

So today's mission is to do something fun: all four of us. Something purely fun. All of us. Together. Fun.

And to try and get a bit more sleep. Here's the inspiration for that one: